I Love You, Beth Cooper (2009)

Starring: Hayden Panettiere, Paul Rust, Jack T. Carpenter

3 Thoughts On I Love You, Beth Cooper

1. A teen sex comedy, that consistently promises to put itself into high gear, yet consistently fails to do so.
   
2. During the duration of ILY,BC, I kept thinking there seems to be a great movie somewhere in here. This lead to even more disgust as the film kept disappointing me.
3. Samm Levine as a cashier = Giant Mark Out.d

Rating: 3

The Hurt Locker (2009)

Starring: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Ralph Fiennes

6 Thoughts On The Hurt Locker

1. A well conceived war story, that attempted to present a soldier's life in Iraq... I did not care.
2. Possibly the first Iraq war movie without an agenda... I did not care.
3. The film contained several unique and fresh takes on the "war movie" genre... I did not care.
4. My constant reminders of my lack of interest are meant to express the lack of connection I had with The Hurt Locker. The selling point of the movie is its intensity. The problem I had with this was simply my belief that if one does not care about the characters, they can not be drawn into the story. The Hurt Locker was basically a sequence of intense situations, yet with no character development, all intensity was void.
5. Despite my unkind thoughts on the film, Jeremy Renner should now deservedly be a star on the rise.
6. Please Note: I am one of a very small minority who did not like The Hurt Locker. Heed my reviews with caution

Rating: 2

Final Destination 3 (2006)

Starring: Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Alexz Johnson

3 Thoughts On Final Destination 3

1. Generic, crappy horror movie, yet an easy 90 minutes.
   
2. The title Final Destination really only applies to the first movie.
3. Any Disney Channel fan circa 2000 (my time in middle school), will mark out for Ryan Merriman AND Alexz Johnson. Don't lie to me and deny the awesomeness of Luck Of The Irish, and So Wierd.

Rating: 4

Die Hard (1988)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Paul Gleason

4 Thoughts On Die Hard

1. Watching Die Hard is difficult to judge, realizing how many action movies have completely ripped it off.
2. While the movie was fun, intense, and exciting, a lot of it was unfortunately "been there, done that" for me since I've seen all the rip-offs already.
3. John McClane is one of the best action heroes of all time.
4. Once again, I liked everything about it, but seeing Die Hard 11 years after it's initial release hurt it's standings in my always important judgments.

Rating: 7

The Taking Of Pelham 123 (2009)

Starring: Denzel Washington, John Travolta, James Gandolfini

5 Thoughts On The Taking Of Pelham 123

1. Denzel Washington is the same exact person in every role, yet I consistently love him.
2. John Travolta did a great job of making me not hate him, despite the bad tattoos and his involvement in the Wild Hogs incident of 2007.
3. Tony Scott may not be an esteemed director for most hipster pricks, but the man knows how to make an exciting film.
4. James Gandolfini is a hack.
   
5. This blog does not condone fake drug use, but for a healthier and cheaper alternative to cocaine; see this movie.

Rating: 7

Fletch (1985)

Starring: Chevy Chase, Tim Matheson, Geena Davis

4 Thoughts On Fletch

1. Fun movie with many laughs.
2. George Wendt's appearance is a highlight of the film, as are most George Wendt film appearances.
3. Don't watch this movie if you are a fan of the books.
4. I love Chevy Chase, but Fletch is further proof that I can not defend him as an actor.

Rating: 6

Ice Age (2002)

Starring: Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary


1 Thought On Ice Age

1. Fun kids movie. Nothing more, nothing less.

Rating: 5

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (2009)

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel


4 Thoughts on Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

1. T:ROTF will surely be in my year end bottom 10.
2. At 150 minutes, thoughts of a quick, painless death began to enter my mind.
3. T:ROTF was so bad, it managed to make Megan Fox look ugly.
4. For anyone who will argue that the special effects were great, let me once again point out that there is nothing "special" about a computer-generated robot fighting another computer-generated robot.

Rating: 1

Bruno (2009)

Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen

• Simply awesome
• Despite my worries, most of the stunts appeared to be authentic.
  
• Simulated oral sex on 1/2 of Milli Vanilli = CLASSIC!
• I found the film to be funnier than Borat, yet my opinion is truly biased.
• While Sacha Baron Cohen's intention was to expose the ridiculousness of homophobia, his over-the-top homosexuality failed to do so.

Rating: 9

Kit Kittredge: And American Girl (2008)

Starring: Abigail Breslin, Chris O'Donnell, Julia Ormond

• I have nothing much to say about this movie.
• Colin Mochrie is in it!

Rating: 3

Final Destination 2 (2003)

Starring: A.J. Cook, Michael Landes, Ali Larter

• Death once again hunts a group of people who were supposed to die.
• Final Destination 2 is simply Final Destination with different scenarios.
• Ali Larter returns for this installment. No one cares.
• Forgettable, poorly conceived sequel, yet easy to digest.

Rating: 3

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (2007)

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson

• Complete and utter fun.
• Despite the welcomed return of a darker Harry Potter, Order sometimes felt to be a Prisoner of Azkaban imitation.
• Complete and utter fun.

Rating: 7

Year One (2009)

Starring: Jack Black, Michael Cera, David Cross

• Why?Why?Why?Why?
• With Harold Ramis directing, a script by Ramis/Stupinsky/Eisenberg, and Jack Black and Michael Cera in starring roles, Year One on paper is an instant classic.
• This movie is atrocious. I never once laughed.
• When Paul Rudd has a cameo, and it is not funny, the moviegoer can be sure the movie will completely suck. Year One had an unfunny Paul Rudd cameo, and completely sucked. Point proven.
  
• Why?Why?Why?Why?

Rating: 1

Away We Go (2009)

Starring: John Krasinski, Maya Rudolph, Jeff Daniels

• Away We Go was way too indie for its own good.
• I love John Krasinski, but he was wrong for this role.
• Somwhere toward the end of the movie, I realized I was hooked into the story. The movie's failure to end at the right moment, took me out of the story.
• Overall it was a fun little movie. Nothing memorable.

Rating: 5

Drag Me To Hell (2009)

Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Lorna Raver


Sam Raimi's 2009 effort Drag Me To Hell is a flawed gem. The movie is a fun, quick entity, but overall lacked a truly memorable, classic feel. Throughout the film, I wanted nothing more than to love it, while ultimately failing to do so.

The main problem of Drag Me To Hell is it's meddling in genres. The film never fully commits itself to either true horror, or comedy/horror. When Drag would dedicate time to one specific genre, the film would begin to get moving. When Drag would switch genres, all its momentum would disappear. Furthermore, Justin Long was all too forgettable in his role.

Let me conclude by stating despite its many flaws, Drag Me To Hell, just may have the best horror movie ending of all time.

Rating: 5
Ending Rating: 10

Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire (2005)

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson


Starts of strong, needed better pacing and more cuts. Still a quality popcorn flick.

Rating: 7

My Sister's Keeper (2009)

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Alec Baldwin, Abigail Breslin


I often receive much criticism for my affinity of cruel jokes. It is my belief that there is nothing in life too cruel to not be joked about. If I told anyone I wrote the unabashedly vile film My Sister's Keeper, they would have no choice but to believe me.

My Sister's Keeper revolves around a rather interesting plot. Abigail Breslin was genetically born to provide organs/whatever necessary to her very sick, older sister. Breslin wants the rights to her body and hires Alec Baldwin as her lawyer to defend her. Despite my premonition that I would not like this movie, the plot was at the very least rather intriguing.

The major problem with My Sister's Keeper is it's constant departure from it's core plot. Only about 15 minutes is dedicated to the premise of the movie. The rest of the film is a blatant exploitation of human emotion and life-ending illness. 90 minutes of the film solely focuses on the family dealing with the illness. I found it a rather cheap tactic to garner tears. A film like Stepmom was able to be terribly sad, yet had a constantly driving plot. My Sister's Keeper comes off as nothing more than filth.

Rating: 0

The Wedding Planner (2001)

Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey, Bridgette Wilson


The Wedding Planner is the dictionary example of romantic comedy. This ends my review of The Wedding Planner.

*SPOILER ALERT* - Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey fall in love.

Rating: 3

Shanghai Noon (2000)

Starring: Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Lucy Liu


Rush Hour - 1 African American Sidekick + 1 White Sidekick - 38 Fish Out Of Water Laughs + The Wild West = Shanghai Noon

Despite my unenthusiastic review, Shanghai Noon does provide some decent comedy.

Rating: 5

Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban (2004)

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson


The first two Harry Potter installments serve as harmless, fun-filled popcorn films. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban combines a popcorn franchise with the vision of famed director Alfonso Cuaron (Children Of Men, Y Tu Mama Tambien). The results are easily astonishing. Best film of the franchise thus far.

Rating: 8

Mighty Aphrodite (1995)

Starring: Woody Allen, Mira Sorvino, Helena Bonham Carter


I find reviewing a Woody Allen film is often an arduous process. Most readers may find reading my reviews of Woody Allen films to be equally brutal. With that shameless Woody inspired introduction out of the way; onto my thoughts!
The schmaltz induced introduction actually served a higher purpose of warning my fellow readers. If Woody Allen is the Viet Cong, I am Jane Fonda. In my eyes, the man can do no wrong.(Including the sexual pursuit of adopted children!) To keep with this blog's theme of brevity, Mighty Aphrodite is a tight, focused 90 minutes of intrigue. I had an issue with the relative ease in which Lenny and Amanda make a major life decision. (NO SPOILERS HERE!)
Mira Sorvino turns in an interesting performance as Linda Ash. I felt the performance showed the flaws in Sorvino's acting. Mira Sorvino would go on to win an Academy Award for her performance. It seems I know nothing after all.

Rating: 9