Drive Angry (2011)

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard
Director: Patrick Lussier

Thoughts On Drive Angry

1. Yes, yes, yes. Almost a 10 until actual in depth back story kicks in.
   
2. Nicolas Cage's life is in a tailspin and we all reap the benefits from these ludicrous roles.
3. The Nic Cage sex and gun fight scene may be the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life. And yes, I have seen Akeelah and the Bee.
4. William Fichtner could become the new Walken.
5. Generic Amber Heard is hot comment.
6. I am officially convinced Cage is in on the joke.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - I wanted to give this 4 million points (A Mike@Movies record!) but do realize its flaws.

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Starring: Topher Grace, Anna Faris, Dan Fogler
Director: Michael Dowse

Thoughts On Take Me Home Tonight

1. Every time I saw the commercial featuring Topher Grace gazing amidst a crowded party with "Take Me Home Tonight," I knew I would love this movie.
2. It was legit good. I want to rate it a 9 but am exercising self control.
3. I still don't like Topher Grace.
4. I still love Dan Fogler more than I should.
5. What year did going down hills in giant scrap metal balls go out of style? We need this to make a comeback. ASAP.
6. Anna Faris engagement subplot was kind of dumb.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
2 points - always a fan of comedic cocaine use in movies.
2 points - always a fan of comedic cocaine fueled dance offs in movies.
2 points - always a fan of comedic cocaine fueled bathroom sex with onlookers present in movies
1 point - alcohol

Beastly (2011)

Starring: Vanessa Hudgens, Alex Pettyfer
Director: Daniel Barnz

Thoughts On Beastly

1. You've got to be effing kidding me with this nonsense.
2. I went to an all boys high school so forgive me if I sound clueless, but do most high schools have a creepy girl with a face tattoo who is basically accepted as a witch?
3. I get the whole turn the guy ugly thing but do we really need to combine veins, tattoos and metal all on one face?
4. Alex Pettyfer ugly is still better looking than me on my best day. Sad story.
5. TRANSATLANTICISM FTW!
6. NPH - c'mon now.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
2 points - I want to go to that high school. Minus the Olsen spells.
1 point - I learned to be less shallow and see inner beauty. Point Beastly.

Hall Pass (2011)

Starring: Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Stephan Merchant
Director: Bobby & Peter Farrelly

Thoughts On Hall Pass

1. Funnier than anyone could have possibly anticipated.
2. It seems recent Farrelly movies just throw schtuff to a wall. I guess eventually something has to stick.
3. Sudeikis may be breakout SNL star potential.
4. "Fake Chow" needs to enter society's lexicon.
5. During one scene I thought to myself "Man, Owen Wilson has great comedic timing." I then remembered he used to star in brilliant films.
6. I love Pam Beasley more than anyone but her film career most likely ain't happenin'

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
4 points- I need to use the chloroform pick-up line
3 points - I love crude comedies way too much.

Rango (2011)

Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin
Director: Gore Verbinski

Thoughts On Rango

1. Brilliant kids film. Perhaps too brilliant for kids to understand.
2. Johnny Depp seriously can do no wrong. Ok, I haven't seen The Tourist or the last 2 Pirates movies so the statement stands.
3. Could perhaps win the animated Oscar as Pixar is putting out Cars 2 this year.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - Fun for the whole family!

Exit Through The Gift Shop (2010)

Director: Banksy

Thoughts On Exit Through The Gift Shop

1. I loved everything about this doc. Even the notion that it could be a hoax.
2. Mr. Brainwash conning hipsters? Someone has a new personal hero.
3. While watching this, I thought "Hey, maybe I should start getting more interested in street art." Then I realized I have so many wrestling dvds that still need to be watched. Fin.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Who knew that the Andre the Giant artist and the Obamicon artist are the same person? I do now.
2 points - Banksy hijinks
4 points - I hate hipsters.

No Strings Attached (2011)

Starring: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher
Director: Ivan Reitman

Thoughts On No Strings Attached

1. Can friends with benefits actually work?
2. *****SPOILER ALERT************************NO
3. The film was better than it had any right to be but I just can't get behind rooting for two beautiful people to be happy.
4. I feel Ludacris is making the very difficult transition from a man bragging about his Cadillac grills to an average guy friend.
5. Needs more Mindy Kaling. Everything in life needs more Mindy Kaling.
6. Dear everyone in Hollywood, Stop trying to be Judd Apatow.
7. Kevin Kline FTW.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - I just gave an Ashton Kutcher movie 7 points. Where is my life headed?

Legion (2010)

Starring: Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson
Director: Scott Stewart

Thoughts On Legion

1. If this was meant to be a joke, then wow. If this was meant to be serious, then wow.
2. Paul Bettany may have starred in a shitty movie but he goes home to Jennifer Connelly. Still winning.
3. Should of gone more campy or more serious. Straddles the line too much.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
2 points - demon old lay
2 points - demon ice cream man
2 points - human Dennis Quaid

I Am Number Four (2011)

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron
Director: D.J. Caruso

Thoughts On I Am Number Four

1. Teen book adaptation fail.
2. Thank you Olyphant. For everything.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Unenjoy.

Unkown (2011)

Starring: Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones
Director: Jaume Collet- Serra

Thoughts On Unkown

*********SPOILER ALERT**************

1. Not very good but overall unoffensive
2. As the fight scenes began, I thought to myself: "Man, Liam Neeson sure can fight considering he's a college professor." I guess I figured it all out.
3. Someone needs to train Diane Kruger on accents and maintaining one.
4. I love Mad Men yet anytime I see January Jones I cringe.
5. Whenever I see a trailer with a neat premise which can not be explained through simple logic, I assume the reveal will be lame. Despite not being a great movie, Unkown's reveal was actually rather good.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - I still think Liam Neeson is a complete bad ass 1 year after Taken

Just Go With It (2011)

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker
Director: Dennis Dugan

Thoughts On Just Go With It

1. At what point did Adam Sandler realize he's behind the times in comedy?
2. Follow up: After Adam Sandler realized he's lagging behind, at what point did he just stop caring?
3. The point: I want to love Adam Sandler movies more than any one else, but it seems he's just stopped trying.
4. The entire premise hinges on a burgeoning relationship between Sandler and Decker. Between the two of them, there's less chemistry than a special ed science class.
5. Do Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Aniston realize they're not all that funny?
6. Wow, Dave Matthews was actually funny! In his role he just had so much to say.
7. Kevin Nealon - keep bringing the ridiculous goods.

Rating: 5
5 points - I can never be too mean to a Sandler movie.

World's Greatest Dad (2009)

Starring: Robin Williams, Daryl Sabara, Alexie Gilmore
Director: Bobcat Goldthwait

Thoughts On World's Greatest Dad

1. THIS is how you do dark comedy.
2. Who knew Bobcat Goldthwait brings the goods as a director. I always thought he was just some comedian who inexplicably dated beautiful women.
3. When an actor goes from Spy Kids to auto-erotic asphyxiation, one may want to take a hard look in the mirror.
4. Brilliant ending. Simple, perfectly climactic and brilliant.
5. Yay for a good indie.
6. I want to feel bad that Robin Williams is no longer a box office draw, but yeah I don't feel bad at all.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
3 points - pure high school perversion
3 points - Robin Williams showing acting chops without a beard!
2 points - Yay for a good indie

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)

Starring: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin
Director: Edgar Wright

Thoughts On Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

1. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but absolutely understand every complaint everyone has against it.
2. Fun albeit pointlessly arduous script.
3. The comic book touches were fine yet sometimes annoying.
4. Kieran Culkin should be in more movies.
5. Aubrey Plaza is on the verge of blowing up. You heard it here first.
6. Once again, the Michael Cera One Note Gravy Train should be running out any day now. I'd be lying if I said I'm not a fan though.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
2 points - For Brandon Routh, simply because I feel bad.
4 points - irreverent fun
1 point- just because.

A Single Man (2009)

Starring: Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Matthew Goode
Director: Tom Ford

Thoughts On A Single Man

1. Fabulous from beginning to end.
2. My use of the word fabulous in no way a reference to the gay protagonist. Sorry gay community.
3. Even when playing a miserable drunk, Julianne Moore is simply stunning.
4. Colin Firth should of won the Oscar for this. God damn Hollywood politics.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - Once again, for actual good movies, I simply have no jokes.

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore

Starring: James Marsden, Nick Nolte, Christina Applegate
Director: Brad Peyton

Thoughts On Cats & Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore

1. An additional installment to a film no one cared about 9 years ago.
2. Speaking of making people wait for something they don't care about in the first place...
3. A Mike@Movies first. Check back in 2020 for a more in depth review!

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Jack MacBrayer

Jonah Hex (2010)

Starring: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox
Director: Jimmy Hayward

Thoughts On Jonah Hex

1. Comic movies when done bad can apparently be quite bad.
2. Hey it was only 80 minutes. Winning.
3. Megan Fox, thank you for starring in this film. Your role seemed vital in the commercial at least.
4. Mark Out: Cedric Daniels!
5. Way to bring in a crappy looking U.S. Grant because the time a fictional ghost whispering deformed outlaw saved this country should be legitimized as much as possible.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Shitty action movie that's only 80 minutes...not too shabby.

Winter's Bone (2010)

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, John Hawkes, Lauren Sweetser
Director: Debra Granik

Thoughts On Winter's Bone

1. Solid.
2. Solid, but would have never been nominated for Best Picture during the five nominees era.
3. I Google imaged Jennifer Lawrence. My word. Did she deserve a Best Actress nominee? Probably not. Will I complain? No.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Search her yourself. Trust me.
4 points - I feel like my posts about bad movies are way more fun.

Oceans (2010)

Narrated By: Pierce Brosnan
Directors: Jacques Perrin, Jacques Cluzaud

Thoughts On Oceans

1. It's a doc about oceans. I get it.
2. Nothing wrong with 007 narration.
3. They of course had to throw in a dash of global warming.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - Sam loves animals.

The Spy Next Door (2010)

Starring: Jackie Chan, Amber Valletta, Billy Ray Cyrus
Director: Brian Levant

Thoughts On The Spy Next Door

1. Schlock for children.
2. When I think cold-blooded CIA agents, I think Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez.
3. I get how kids are supposed to not like the mom's boyfriend but at what point does the audience say "Man, these kids are just douche bags."
4. I'm no evil villain, but if one man and three children were stopping me from becoming rich beyond my wildest dreams, chances are I'd hire a lot of effing artillery.
5. Hey, this is a kids movie. No need for random father abandonment storylines.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
3 points - At least Jackie Chan got the hot mom.

The Reader (2008)

Starring: Kate Winslet, David Kross, Ralph Fiennes
Director: Stephen Daldry

Thoughts On The Reader

1. I guess I didn't get the memo about this being the undeserving Oscar nominee.
2. Wonderful for every minute of its duration.
3. Kate Winslet is great as always but should of won for Little Children
4. Pet Peeve Alert: English speaking with German accents.
5. Did anyone really have to guess she couldn't read? Seriously.
   

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Ms. Winslet
4 points - Ms. Winslet's incessant rocking of the cradle.

Doubt (2008)

Starring: Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams
Director: John Patrick Shanley

Thoughts On Doubt

1. Fine movie, probably a better play.
2. PSH FTW AFD.
3. Amy Adams still does nothing for me.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Daring performances...like I would know.

Big Fan (2009)

Starring: Patton Oswalt, Kevin Corrigan, Michael Rapaport
Director: Robert D. Siegel

Thoughts On Big Fan

1. Dark comedy done moderately well.
2. Oswalt and Corrigan perform excellently in their lead roles.
3. Loved the Oswalt radio call ins. Well done.
4. I'm only rating it a 6 but won't say anything bad as Robert D. Siegel wrote The Wrestler. Lifetime pass from me.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Ram Jam.

New York, I Love You (2009)

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman
Directors: Various

Thoughts On New York, I Love You

1. Ambitious, but ultimately uninspiring
2. Natalie Portman, you're not that talented
3. Oscar win or not, I stand by my assessment.
4. The Brett Ratner short was indeed great.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Is it sad I can't even tell who Hayden Christensen is outside of Star Wars
3 points - Also props for Leachman/Wallach

An American Carol (2008)

Starring: Kevin Farley, Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight
Director: David Zucker

Thoughts On An American Carol

1. I want a movie like this to be awesome, but it just fails on every level.
   
2. I love you Zucker but c'mon.
3. Further proof that Dennis Miller is the only funny conservative.
4. Leslie Nielsen, you will be sorely missed.
5. Hey, at least some of the points made are decent.

Rating:2
Rating Breakdown
2 points- You know it's bad when a Zucker comedy gets 2 points