Rumor Has It... (2005)

Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Costner, Shirley MacLaine
Director: Rob Reiner

Thoughts On Rumor Has It...

1. Rumor has it...this movie blows.
2. Where has your directing acumen gone, Meathead?
3. Kevin Costner as a leading man in 2005? To shame.
4. Seems like a fun concept that just never takes off.

Rating:3
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Mark Ruffalo, you're above this.

Dear John (2010)

Starring: Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried, Henry Thomas
Director: Lasse Hallstrom

Thoughts On Dear John

1. Oh lord, not another one of these.
2. Just because America randomly decided Channing Tatum is going to be a huge star doesn't mean he actually has to become a huge star.
3. I don't claim to know anything about modern warfare, but the battle scenes in Dear John seem to defy all logic and realism.
4. Henry Thomas LOLZ.
5. My summer project is to read a Nicholas Sparks novel because they can't all be this bad.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - I'm starting to see the whole Amanda Seyfried thing.

Once (2006)

Starring: Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova
Director: John Carney

Thoughts On Once

1. While I publicly loathe musicals, Once defies all my criticism of the genre.
2. An 85 minute run time certainly helps this musical's cause to win me over.
3. The songs, my word, the songs. Simply brilliant
4. "When Your Mind's Made Up" > "Falling Slowly"
5. I was on Grafton Street! Grafton Street was in the movie! I was on the street that was in a movie!

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
1 point - So if you want something
1 point - And you call, call
1 point - Then I'll come running
1 point - To fight, and I'll be at your door
1 point - When there's nothing worth fighting for
1 point - When your mind's made up
1 point - When your mind's made up
1 point - There's no point trying to change it

Man On Fire (2004)

Starring: Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken
Director: Tony Scott

Thoughts On Man On Fire

1. Can the Tony Scott/Denzel Washington duo make anything less then pure no-nonsense fun
2. If any of you mention Deja Vu to me, I will strongly disagree.
3. Ahh, Dakota Fanning pre-her "you totally know a drug arrest or sex tape is coming" days.
4. Every day Christopher Walken is alive and plying his craft is a holiday for the rest of us.
5. Marc Anthony, really?

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Ehh, not breaking it down today.

The Fighter (2010)

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Amy Adams
Director: David O. Russell

Thoughts On The Fighter

1. Lovelovelovelove
2. Before I continue praise, I must state for the 75th time: Mark Wahlberg can not act. His performance was praised as stoic. No, he is just the worst.
3. Christian Bale FTW
4. Melissa Leo FTW x 7
5. Amy Adams still doesn't do it for me.
6. Loved the 1990's tube television look for all the boxing scenes.
7. The boxing stuff was simply OK, but boxing was not the point of the movie so I'll allow it.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Melissa Leo outshone everyone.
1 point - Chief Jerry Reilly!
2 points - Bale
1 point - ...yeah

Knucklehead (2010)

Starring: Mark Feuerstein, Melora Hardin, Big Show
Director: Michael Watkins

Thoughts On Knucklehead

1. Decent cast in bad need of a director, or script for that matter
2. I'm shitting on a WWE movie starring a professional wrestler. Enough said

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
4 points - I can't COMPLETELY shit on a WWE movie

Black Swan (2010)

Starring: Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel, Mila Kunis
Director: Darren Aronofsky

Thoughts On Black Swan

1. Mike@Black Swan first hour: "I like this movie but meh."
2. Mike@Black Swan last 48 minutes: "What a great effing movie."
3. After Darren Aronofsky made an amazing movie about professional wrestling, he has a lifetime pass from me.
4. Was Natalie great in this? Yes.
   
5. Did Natalie deserve the Oscar? Perhaps not.
6. The Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis scene did nothing for me. I need to see a doctor.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
4 points - ballet makes me feel smart
4 points - The Wrestler (2008)

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Director: David Slade

Thoughts On The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

1. OmggGGGzzZz JaCOb MarRRy Me?!?! 4 REALZ!!!
2. Edward <3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Actually the best Twilight movie so far. That's not saying anything though.
1 point - It's funny watching Taylor Lautner's fame fleet.

Easy A (2010)

Starring: Emma Stone, Penn Badgley, Amanda Bynes
Director: Will Gluck

Thoughts On Easy A

1. What tries to be a modern teen classic ultimately fails but only due to great ambition.
2. Still a rather entertaining movie.
3. AMANDA BYNES. YES
4. Stanley Tucci shines in every scene he is in. As always.
5. Emma Stone's career is doing fantastic. I feel bad for Becca. She has to get killed in above average horror remakes.
   
6. Why is Fred Armisen here?
7. I haven't been in high school but do that many people want to have fake sex?
8. Upon pondering point 7, the answer is a resounding yes.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
5 points - Amanda Bynes
1 point - the movie.

How To Train Your Dragon (2010)

Starring: Jay Baruchel, America Ferrera, Gerard Butler
Director: Chris Sanders, Dean DeBlois

Thoughts On How To Train Your Dragon

1. 2010 seems to be a year of great animation as this was northing short of wonderful
2. Man, sucks to be a great animated movie released the same year as Toy Story 3
3. One of the best scores I've heard...ever. So good I even looked up who did it. John Powell for you information.
4. Once again, keep doing work Mr. Baruchel.
5. Gerard Butler annoys me in every non-Greek king role.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - see above.

Green Zone (2010)

Starring: Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Paul Greengrass

Thoughts On Green Zone

1. A fine but rather forgettable film.
2. I didn't sense a true anti-American sentiment. Perhaps I am just a rational minded person who understands what fiction is.
3. A very well done final 30 minutes.
4. Matt Damon (in Team America voice)
   

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Matt Damon (same voice)

The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina
Director: Jon Turtletaub

Thoughts On The Sorcerer's Apprentice

1. Better than it had any right to be.
2. Who saw that scene in Fantasia and thought "We could totally make an action comedy blockbuster out of this."
3. Once again: Is Nicolas Cage in on the joke?
4. Jay Baruchel deserves any success coming to him.
5. Teresa Palmer is the poor or rich man's Kristen Stewart. Sorry Teapot @ www.jackandmovies.blogspot.com

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Karp FTW
2 points - Thanks for not failing.

You Again (2010)

Starring: Kristen Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver
Director: Andy Fickman

Thoughts On You Again

1. Terrible acting, awful plot, pure garbage but who the eff cares....
2. Cameo 1: Carl mothereffing Winslow
3. Cameo 2: The Rock
4. Cameo 3: Al from Step by Step (technically a role not a cameo but I'm counting it)
5. Cameo 4: Hall and Oates
6. Cameo 5: Cloris Leachman
7. Cameo 6: Patrick friggin Duffy

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
274 points - Pure Cameo Power
-265 points - You Again (2010)

Waiting For Superman (2010)

Director: Davis Guggenheim

Thoughts On Waiting For Superman

1. Wonderfully composed and executed documentary.
2. Will lose points for showcasing what many consider to be inaccurate information.
3. Will also lose points because the name Davis Guggenheim just seems pretentious.
4. Will lose points for trying to show a suburban white girl in the same struggle as poor, urban African Americans
5. Will ultimately get a good review

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
10 points - Superman
-3 points - All that damn waiting.

Charlie St. Cloud (2010)

Starring: Zac Efron, Kim Basinger, Ray Liotta
Director: Burr Steers

Thougts On Charlie St. Cloud

1. Cliche review joke ahead: The advertising campaign tells us "Life is worth living. Mike tells us "This is worth skipping!"
   
2. Does anyone understand the big dilemma here is Charlie St. Cloud not being able to have a catch with...no one.
3. Kim Basinger won an Oscar. She's doing well.
4. Zefron attempts to shed his teen boy image. Strike one. Better luck next time
5. SPOILER ALERT******

In the film, Mr. St. Cloud begins a relationship with a local sailing phenom. The relationship, as all young love does, leads to passionate love making. We discover that St. Cloud's paramour is in fact dead. AT ANY POINT IN THE SCRIPTING/FILMING PROCESS, DID ANYONE RAISE THEIR HAND AND SAY "YA KNOW, ESSENTIALLY WE ARE INSINUATING THAT CHARLIE ST. CLOUD HAD SEX WITH AIR. I MEAN IF THIS WOMAN IS IN FACT A GHOST, HE BASICALLY IS JUST HAVING SEX WITH NOTHING. WE SHOULD ALSO ASSUME IT WENT TO COMPLETION. CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT?" I guess no one said this so I digress.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Love me some Donal Logue. Grounded For Life FTW
2 points - At least they tried.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 (2010)

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson
Director: David Yates

Thoughts On Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1

1. Could of been great, fails because of it's two part split
2. I understand the necessity to build for a climactic final film, but don't charge me $13 for that.
3. A specific CGI effect: So great, so unessecary. (no spoilers here)
4. The climax anticipation is nicely built. I expect part 2 to get high marks. Again, just don't charge me 13$ or this

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
4 points - still a somewhat acceptable Potter offering
2 points - Hermione Granger: What a babe.

Life As We Know It (2010)

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel, Josh Lucas
Director: Greg Berlanti

Thoughts On Life As We Know It

1. I found more enjoyment in this then I ever thought possible.
2. Luckily for us, the moviegoers, Christina Hendricks and Hayes MacArthur cleverly made complete opposites and enemies to be their daughters legal guardians. Clearly this couple had the foresight for potential semi-hilarity.
3. The Act 2 fallout made Katherine Heigl look like a nasty human being. Art imitates life?

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
3 points - YOU DIDN'T GET THAT JOKE BECAUSE JOSH DUHAMEL IS IN LAS VEGAS!
2 points - Christina Hendricks is just ravishing

Eat Pray Love (2010)

Starring: Julia Roberts, Javier Bardem, Billy Crudup
Director: Ryan Murphy

Thoughts On Eat Pray Love

1. In a Mike@Movies first, I will be reviewing a movie having previously read the book. Remember kids, reading is right!
2. Eat: My favorite section of the book completely butchered by Julia, Ryan and Co. Half of the characters in this section are seen but never introduced. I only knew who they were from the book. I am so smart.
3. Pray: Jenkins was the lone highlight of this part/movie.
   
4. Love: They just had to go with the typical Act 2 romantic low point. I AM A READER NOW AND I NOW THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN THE BOOK!
5. Officially, a book that should just never have been adapted

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
3 points - I was in India!
2 points - Jenkins

Jackass 3D (2010)

Starring: Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Chris Pontius
Director: Jeff Tremaine

Thoughts On Jackass 3D

1. Oh, how I love these movies so much.
2. Nice to see all the fellas have gained serious weight. A sure sign their drug addictions have been kicked.
3. The 3D was not all that necessary, but whatever.
4. Worst film of the trilogy but that's not saying anything bad.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Ehren bringing in soup.
2 points - Going behind a jet engine.
4 points - Everything else.

The Other Guys (2010)

Starring: Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Eva Mendes
Director: Adam McKay

Thoughts on The Other Guys

1. A rare gem from Will Ferrells recently waning career.
2. I will say this for the 40,000th time. Mark Wahlberg is just the worst.
3. The Rock and Samuel L. ruled in their brief roles.
4. Ya know, it sucks to be Michael Keaton but at least he's going down laughing.
5. The Ferrell/Mendes stuff was just classic.
6. Note to William: Think of funny lines. Improv is clearly only getting you so far these days.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
4 points - things
4 points - funny things

Cyrus (2010)

Starring: John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill, Marisa Tomei
Director: Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass

Thoughts On Cyrus

1. While mumblecore may be the dumbest movement ever, Cyrus is pretty damn good.
2. I can't tell if a solid script or Jonah Hill's film history allowed me to find humor in even the most serious of situations.
3. John C. Reilly should be an A-lister. Too ugly I suppose.
4. Once in a while gets a little snarky, but moves nicely.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - these catch up reviews are getting very lazy.

The A- Team (2010)

Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton Jackson
Director: Joe Carnahan

Thoughts On The A-Team

1. Viewing 1: Fell asleep half way through
   
2. Viewing 2: Fell asleep three-quarters through.
   
3. Viewing 3: Finally finished.
4. Consider this my review

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
3 points - action
2 points - dunnnnnnooooooo

The Terminal (2004)

Starring: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stanley Tucci
Director: Steven Spielberg

Thoughts On The Terminal

1. Tom Hanks = Great.
2. Tom Hanks + Fictitious accent from a fictitious country = Fail.
3. Hey CZJ, Do you want some face time in a high profile Spielberg/Hanks collaboration without really contributing to the plot?
4. Sure thing! - CZJ
5. Stanley Tucci shines as always.
6. Part of the Spielberg phones it in era of film making
7. There are just some stories that are interesting, but not compelling. The tale of Mehran Karimi Nasseri is just not one of them.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
4 - the heart was warmed. slightly

Behind Enemy Lines (2001)

Starring: Owen Wilson, Gene Hackman, Vladimir Mashkov
Director: John Moore

Thoughts On Behind Enemy Lines

1. An actually quite fun action flick.
2. Makes me fond of the days Owen Wilson had a budding career.
3. To praise this film I invoke my "Don't be critical of popcorn movies" card.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - I saw this movie while in India. I'm just proud to remember liking it.

The Beach (2000)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio
Director: Danny Boyle

Thoughts On The Beach

1. Hmmm. Starts great, ends hmmmm.
2. A rare Danny Boyle miss (kind of)
3. Leo is still a few years away from true leading man status.
4. Is Tilda Swinton attractive? Not sure.
5. Gets a little gimmicky towards the end. Video game sequence? C'mon
6. Still a decent movie, plus I've been to Thailand...

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - ...so there.

Octopussy (1983)

Starring: Roger Moore, Maud Adams, Louis Jourdan
Director: John Glen

Thoughts On Octopussy

1. Standard 1980's Bond offering.
2. Loved the India locale. Udaipur for you non-travelers.
3. Nothing much else to say. Either you like Bond or you don't. Octopussy does not transcend the franchise like Goldfinger does.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
4 points - I'm an obvious Bond fan
3 points - I was in Udaipur!

Murder By Numbers (2002)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Ben Chaplin, Ryan Gosling
Director: Barbet Schroeder

Thoughts On Muder By Numbers

1. Should be titled "Movie By Numbers"
2. I'm at it again!
3. The Leopold and Loeb case is actually pretty compelling. Way to turn it into a generic thriller.
4. Sandra Bullock is hard to stay mad at.
5. Great early stuff from Ryan Gosling and Michael Pitt

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - movie (I hate these breakdowns)

Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010)

Starring: Janet Jackson, Tyler Perry, Tasha Smith
Director: Tyler Perry

Thoughts On Why Did I Get Married Too?

1. Warning: Foul Language Below
2. Warning: Foul Language Below
3. Warning: Foul Language Below
4. Warning: Foul Language Below
5. Warning: Foul Language Below
6. WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SEEING THESE FUCKING MOVIES?!?!?! TYLER PERRY IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO FILM MAKING SINCE THE BLACKLIST (NO PUN INTENDED). WHO HONESTLY SEES A COMMERCIAL FOR THIS AND SAYS "HONEY, MARK IT ON YOUR CALENDAR, TYLER PERRY HAS A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT!" STOP MAKING THIS FUCKING TRASH.
7. HOLY FUCK THAT ROCK CAMEO WAS AWEESSSSSSOMMMEE!

Rating: 1
Rating Breakdown
1 point - I smell what The Rock is cookin.

The Losers (2010)

Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans
Director: Sylvain White

Thoughts On The Losers

1. Kind of, maybe, sort of funny, and perhaps entertaining comic book adaptation
2. I think.
   
3. Why hasn't Idris Elba become a leading man yet? STRINGER EFFING BELL!

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - Is it OK to be average?

Shrek Forever After (2010)

Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz
Director: Zyruss Galos

Thoughts On Shrek Forever After

1. Typical franchise offering with a guaranteed audience.
2. Did not see in 3D so don't ask. Not saying you would ask. Just saying.
3. Frequently falls into the "Family Guy Complex"
4. To explain: In newer "Family Guy" episodes, it seems rather than write jokes, the writers orchestrate elaborate sequences that are generally parodies of famous film sequences. Shrek Forever After often substitutes plot for long, drawn out 3D action sequences.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - for the kids.

Just Wright (2010)

Starring: Queen Latifah, Common, Mehcad Brooks
Director: Sanaa Hamri

Thoughts On Just Wright

1. Just Wright is Just Wrong! See what I did there. I am so close to being an official critic.
2. Many, many problems with the plot. For instance, Queen Latifah puts out way too quickly. Doesn't make any sense in terms of pacing.
3. Not the worst film in the world, just generally uninteresting.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
2 points - athlete cameos
1 point - Queen Latifah: You Go Girl!

The Bounty Hunter (2010)

Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler
Director: Andy Tennant

Thoughts On The Bounty Hunter

1. Insert cliche gripes against cliche romantic comedies here.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Jeff Garlin
1 point - the bad guy in this was totally the bad guy from The Mask

The Ghost Writer (2010)

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, Olivia Williams
Director: Roman Polanski

Thoughts On The Ghost Writer

1. Brilliant thriller
2. Proves that thrillers can be gripping and suspenseful even without bodies dropping and multiple twists.
3. Proves that I am a generic movie watcher and like bodies dropping with multiple twists.
4. Kim Cattrall? Really?
5. Roman Polanski may be brilliant, but he's still a pervert.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Tom Wilkinson Rules Everything Around Me
5 points - yup.

Rocky III (1982)

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Mr. T, Carl Weathers
Director: Sylvester Stallone

Thoughts On Rocky III

1. A creative downturn in the "Rocky" franchise.
2. This turning point is not necessarily a bad thing.
3. The Hulk Hogan (sorry Thunderlips) bit was completely unnessecary but hell, I loved it.
4. Why did they have to kill of Mickey? There's three more movies to go!
5. Would of been cooler if the Clubber Lang series was a two movie arc. Him getting his win back right away just seemed rushed.
   
6. No spoiler alert for that revelation. I am once again the last human on Earth to see these films.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - artistically diminishing yet still fun

Lars And The Real Girl (2007)

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Paul Schneider
Director: Craig Gillespie

Thoughts On Lars And The Real Girl

1. While watching I wanted to discard LATRG into the "Quirky indie that is nowhere near reality" file cabinet. The film, despite it's premise is so heart-warming and real that I simply could not.
2. That's all I have to say about that.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - See above.

The Social Network (2010)

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake
Director: David Fincher

Thoughts On The Social Network

1. Solid.
2. While I generally have not been a fan of Fincher, he seems to take a backseat to Aaron Sorkin's excellent script. Kudos.
3. Trent Reznor's score is golden fries.
4. I've gotten semi-sick of Jesse Eisenberg but he still is the rich man's Michael Cera.
5. Ending was kind of bleh, but it's sort of based on real life. So it goes, I guess.
   
6. Justin Timberlake can actually act. Put this guy in a lab and I guarantee he cures cancer within a week.
7. I want to see some of the more provocative scenes as the Indian Film Authority seemingly cut out the good stuff.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
2 points - I hate NIN, but wow.
2 points - script
2 points - acting
2 points - does anyone realize this is a movie about Facebook?

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)

Starring: Michael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf, Josh Brolin
Director: Oliver Stone

Thoughts On Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

*******SPOILER ALERT**************

1. Hastily written with lazy direction. What could of been a sharp sequel simply ends up flat.
2. This really isn't a review point but wow, thought 1 may of been the first time I have written anything that remotely resembles an actual review.
3. Hey guys, when you have an all time classic character in Gordon Gekko, don't make a sequel starring him unless you can get the actor playing him to commit to substantial shooting days.
4. Charlie Sheen = Best Cameo Ever [of 2010(thus far)]

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Frank Langella shines as always
2 points - 'twas OK
1 point - SHEEN (minus hookers)

An Education (2009)

Starring: Carey Mulligan, Peter Sarsgaard, Emma Thompson
Director: Lone Scherfig

Thoughts On An Education

1. When in a relationship, there's that period where your feelings toward the other person are a lot more than like, but just under love. That state of limbo is exactly my feelings toward An Education.
2. Great movie? Yes. Best Picture nominee? No.
3. Alfred Molina not getting a Best Supporting Actor nod for his portrayal of Jenny's bumbling father is downright robbery.
4. Peter Sarsgaard always impresses as an actor yet I feel like him and I would never get along as friends.
5. I need to start reading Nick Hornby.
   

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
3 points - plot
3 points - Doc Oc
1 point - The English are just so pleasant.