Remember Me (2010)

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Emilie de Ravin, Chris Cooper
Director: Allen CoultDer

5 Thoughts On Remember Me

1. Crappy romance with a crappy, stupid, dumb, deplorable ending.
2. Edward Cullen made some bold acting choices. For instance, unlike with Bella, he now looks at the girl he is talking to.
3. Dear Claire from Lost, You are better than this.
4. Dear James Bond, I would say you are better than this, but you already sang in Mamma Mia.
5. I did like it, but I rarely get out of the house these days.

Rating: 4
4 points - God damn dislocated knee. Please heel so I can continue hating 90% of the movies I see.

The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996)

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Courtney Love, Edward Norton
Director: Milos Forman

4 Thoughts On The People Vs. Larry Flynt

1. Solid biographical film, but...
2. Milos Forman is notorious for changing facts. At least he made a joke of it in Man On The Moon
3. The film made Larry Flynt look like a great man tainted by society and others. I disagree.
4. Courtney Love received tons of praise for her portrayal of a drug-addicted whore. Hmmm

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Thoroughly enjoyable.
3 points - NORM MACDONALD

Postal (2008)

Starring: Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Chris Coppola
Director: Uwe Boll

4 Thoughts On Postal

1. Postal has the right idea, but is just so poorly done.
2. Tons of way off-color jokes were great, but the movie was just so bad I couldn't laugh as hard as I wanted to.
3. No one ever needs to see a Dave Foley full frontal.
4. I've seen almost every Uwe Boll film. I need a girlfriend.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
6 points - cringe humor
2 points - Mini Me still has a small career. No pun intended!
-5 points - Dave Foley's penis.

Finding Nemo (2003)

Starring: Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould
Director: Andrew Stanton, Lee Unkrich

2 Thoughts On Finding Nemo

1. Pixar can literally do no wrong.
2. One of the best children's films I have ever seen.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - C'mon I have to be the last person in the world to see this movie.

Australia (2008)

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, David Wenham
Director: Baz Lurhman

3 Thoughts On Australia

1. YES!
2. Whether you love or hate this movie, Baz Lurhman directed an epic that never once came near train wreck status. Impressive.
3. While nothing may particularly stand out, the art of epic filmmaking is almost obsolete (CGI films do not count in my classification of an epic). To see this film done on a classic scale was truly refreshing.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 points - See the movie, then dismiss me as a movie nerd.

The Master Of Disguise (2002)

Starring: Dana Carvey, Jennifer Esposito, Harold Gould
Director: Perry Andelin Blake

1 Thought On The Master Of Disguise

1. I, Michael, who loved Norbit and Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, did not like this dumb comedy starring an ex-SNL cast member. I feel this is all that needs to be said.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - why would James Brolin and Brent Spiner agree to this?

Alice In Wonderland (2010)

Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway
Director: Tim Burton

Thoughts On Alice In Wonderland

1. Very average adaptation of a classic, which is only redeemed by the grand spectacle it exhumes.
2. I am 100% against the 3D movement, but man IMAX 3D looks real good.
3. God bless Danny Elfman for always providing Tim Burton a great score.
4. Note to Johnny Depp: Just being a strange character does not give you a free pass. Try harder next tim.
5. Note to Anne Hathaway: Just being a strange character does not mean you know how to be strange or off-beat. Don't try this type of role ever again.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - I paid 14 bucks for this! Don't know how that justifies 6 points but screw y'all this is my blog.

Shampoo (1975)

Starring: Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn
Director: Hal Ashby

5 Thoughts On Shampoo

1. Solid film, but a far cry from Hal Ashby's best work.
2. Some of the Nixon election stuff gets lost in time for a 24 year old film viewer.
3. I feel some of these 35 year old sex scenes are way better than modern sex scenes.
4. Jack Warden in anything is a home run.
5. For the first time in my life, I truly appreciate Goldie Hawn.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
4 points - solid supporting female cast
2 points - Warren Beatty has banged a lot of famous women. Amen
1 point - Jack Warden

The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates
Director: Scott Derrickson

5 Thoughts On The Day The Earth Stood Still

1. Hmmm, decent sci-fi flick but short on action.
2. Hmmm, Keanu Reeves can't act. Cliche to mock his acting, I know
3. Kind of cool that Keanu played an alien.
   
4. Hmmm, Jaden Smith must really work hard to get these key roles.
5. Hmmm, we destroyed the Earth. I love politics in my movies.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Hmmm, let's recycle!

The Haunting Of Molly Hartley (2008)

Starring: Haley Bennett, Chace Crawford, Jake Weber
Director: Mickey Liddell

4 Thoughts On The Haunting Of Molly Hartley

1. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb
2. Not really much haunting. Lots of Molly Hartley though, so I guess that was good.
3. Chace Crawford: so hot right now.
4. Every female actress in this movie was smoking hot. Win!

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - AnnaLynne McCord seems like the biggest bitch, but what a hot bitch she is!

The Crazies (2010)

Starring: Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Joe Anderson
Director: Breck Eisner

2 Thoughts On The Crazies

1. Fun little horror movie with enough twist and turns to keep things interesting without going overboard.
2. Throughout the fight for his life, Timothy Olyphant had to ask himself if the juice was worth the squeeze.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Suspense
4 points - Horror

Bedtime Stories (2008)

Starring: Adam Sandler, Keri Russell, Guy Pearce
Director: Adam Shankman

3 Thoughts On Bedtime Stories

1. Fun, little kids movie with 0 point to it. Hey, I guess that IS the point.
2. As much as PG Adam Sandler sucks, it is probably the right career move for him to go this route.
3. Whenever I see Keri Russell in a movie, I can't tell whether I want to hug or strangle her.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Rob Schneider

Dirty Harry (1971)

Starring: Clint Eastwood, Harry Guardino, Reni Santoni
Director: Don Siegel

1 Thought On Dirty Harry

1. Holy f***ing s**t.

Rating: 10
Rating Breakdown
10 points - See this movie, punk.

Stand By Me (1986)

Starring: Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman
Director: Rob Reiner

3 Thoughts On Stand By Me

1. 4 kids trek through the woods to discover a dead body, but on the way, they discover themselves. Awww.
2. How is Jerry O'Connell currently impregnating Rebecca Romijn? He's the fat kid!
   
3. Not the all time classic everyone says it is, but a cute movie nevertheless.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Kiefer!
4 points - I came of age. Gross.

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

Starring: Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Cameron Diaz
Director: P.J. Hogan

4 Thoughts On My Best Friend's Wedding

1. One of the best romantic comedies of all time.
2. Not a typical "rom-com" ending, but one that makes perfect sense.
3. The one time I agreed with Cameron Diaz's acting choices in her role.
4. The "I Say A Little Prayer For You" sing-along was awesome. I guess I have the same tastes as 40 year old women.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - Forever and ever!

Cop Out (2010)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Adam Brody
Director: Kevin Smith

5 Thoughts On Cop Out

1. Nothing new to the mismatched buddy cop genre. Still, a fun little movie!
2. While at no point in the film did I believe Tracy Morgan's character could be an actual cop, he was pretty damn funny.
3. The little "Kevin Smithisms" that snuck into the script were rather enjoyable.
4. Kevin Pollak remains one of the most underrated working actors.
5. Kevin Smith was right, this movie will get panned by people who want to project a palate for high-brow tastes. Despite them, this movie is funny.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Michelle Trachtenberg
2 points - Rashida Jones
3 points - Bringing the funny.

Corky Romano (2001)

Starring: Chris Kattan, Vinessa Shaw, Peter Berg
Director: Rob Pritts

4 Thoughts On Corky Romano

1. A dumb comedy that is dumb and not funny. Ths is coming from me, the sole lover of dumb comedy
2. It upsets me that Chris Kattan is married to a hot woman. His career is right where it should be though.
3. Weird seeing Peter Berg act in such a crappy movie.
4. I can't believe Vinessa Shaw takes herself seriously now.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Sable!

Rocky (1976)

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Burgess Meredith, Talia Shire
Director: John G. Avildsen

5 Thoughts On Rocky

1. Obvious classic.
2. Sylvester Stallone, what have you done with yourself?
3. Burgess Meredith is awesome.
4. Why did it take so long for me to see this?
5. Blogging about movies everyone else has clearly seen gets boring.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 points - It's friggin Rocky

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Starring: Joe Pesci, Marisa Tomei, Ralph Macchio
Director: Jonathan Lynn

2 Thoughts On My Cousin Vinny

1. Everyone's seen it. I never have. It's awesome.
2. Herman Munster RIP

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Jokes.
4 points - Jokes.

A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)

Starring: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Jose Ferrer
Director: Woody Allen

3 Thoughts On A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy

1. An Ok Woody movie.
2. Since it's Woody I will rate the movie highly.
3. Deal with it.

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - Told you so.

The Passion Of Joan Of Arc (1928)

Starring: Renee Jean Falconetti, Eugene Silvain, Andre Berley
Director: Carl Theodor Dreyer

4 Thoughts On The Passion Of Joan Of Arc

1. I smelled my farts before watching The Passion Of Joan Of Arc because only a pretentious asshole would watch this.
2. All pretension aside, kind of an awesome movie.
3. Renee Jean Falconetti gives perhaps one of the best performances I have ever seen.
4. Kind of cool how many filmmakers have ripped off Dreyer

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 points - Just to prove I'm smarter than you.