Taking Woodstock (2009)

Starring: Demetri Martin, Imelda Staunton, Henry Goodman
Director: Ang Lee

4 Thoughts On Taking Woodstock

1. After watching this film, I realized I am generally more interested in concerts than how concerts are made.
2. Emile Hirsch and Paul Dano provide major tripod representation.
3. Imelda Staunton was great.
4. Ang Lee loves gay people.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown:
2 points - For being an OK movie.
2 points - Paul Dano and Emile Hirsch
1 point - decent supporting roles (including a cross-dressing Liev Schrieber)

Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself (2009)

Starring: Taraji P. Henson, Adam Rodriguez, Brian J. White
Director: Tyler Perry

****WARNING, DEROGATORY LANGUAGE BELOW****





Thoughts On Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself

1. I have the unfortunate distinction as the only one of my friends who as seen every Tyler Perry movie. This was the best Tyler Perry film yet.
2. The above thought was in no way, shape, or form a compliment or praise.
3. Dear Tyler Perry, If you are having trouble filling your films with content, just make them shorter. We don't need 5 musical numbers.
4. If one must see a "black movie" (Mike At The Movies does not endorse political correctness), see it opening night when most of the target audience will be there. After a fight, one audience member loudly shouted "That bitch put that nigga's kids on pause!" Yes she did... yes she did.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown:
1 point - awesomely bad acting
2 points - some of the best Madea jokes yet!

Boys Don't Cry (1999)

Starring: Hilary Swank, Chloe Sevigny, Peter Sarsgaard
Director: Kimberly Peirce

3 Thoughts on Boys Don't Cry

1. So, I am finally watching this film (I'm only 10 years behind) and I am thinking "This movie is just perfectly average." Then, the last 30 minutes hit, and those 30 minutes are amongst the most intense I have ever witnesses on screen. (Think of the anticipation of the Germans coming for the climactic battle in Saving Private Ryan...except take out soldiers and insert a chick pretending to be a dude.)
2. I don't really have any witty comments, Boys Don't Cry is just an awesome, awesome movie.
3. Since when did Becky Conner move from Lanford, Illinois to Falls City, Nebraska? I kid, I kid.
   

Rating: 9
Ratings Breakdown:
6 points - Pure quality, baby.
2 points - Hilary Swank
1 point - Chloe Sevigny, Peter Sarsgaard and an immensely talented supporting cast

District 9 (2009)

Starring: Sharlto Copely, Jason Cope, Robert Hobbs
Director: Neill Blomkamp

4 Thoughts On District 9

1. I myself am not a fan of sci-fi, but District 9 is one of the most unique films in the genre's recent history.
2. Sharlto Copely needs to crossover to American film ASAP.
3. The transition from a film that appears to be a fictional documentary to a standard narrative plot is seamless and keeps the movie fresh throughout its entire 2 hour duration.
4. To reiterate, I do not like sci-fi. Please do not get all worked up over my rating.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown:
2 points - Wikus van de Merwe (Sharlto Copely)
4 points - What part of "I do not like sci-fi" don't you understand? Ultra realistic sci-fi however, is enough to earn rating points.

All About Steve (2009)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Thomas Haden Church, Bradley Cooper
Director: Phil Traill

7 Thoughts On All About Steve

1. Rarely amusing comedy that would of been better as a dark comedy, rather than a Sandra Bullock star vehicle. With that being said...
   
2. What the hell was Sandra Bullock thinking?
3. What the hell was Thomas Haden Church thinking?
4. What the hell was Bradley Cooper thinking?
5. What the hell was Ken Jeong thinking?
6. Thomas Haden Church and Ken Jeong were pretty funny though.
7. DJ Qualls was in it!

Rating: 1
Rating Breakdown:
1 point - DJ Qualls!

Gamer (2009)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Michael C. Hall, Amber Valletta
Director: Neveldine/Taylor

2 Thoughts On Gamer

1. Gamer is kind of amazing, kind of terrible.
2. I don't know much about Michael C. Hall, but he was awesome and I might have to start watching "Dexter" now

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown:
2 points - Michael C. Hall
1 point - excessive, unrealistic violence
1 point - the tried but true plot of convicts participating in some outlandish contest to earn their freedom [Death Race, The Condemned (Battle Royale)

It Might Get Loud (2009)

Starring: Jimmy Page, The Edge, Jack White
Director: Davis Guggenheim

4 Thoughts On It Might Get Loud

1. Fun documentary that only succeeds in scratching the surface of what could be a great documentary.
2. I loved that Guggenheim let Jack White be Jack White.
3. The "jam sessions" kind of sucked.
4. For fans only.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
1 Point - Jack White Age 9
1 Point - White Stripes Retirement Home Performance
1 Point - Son House!
2 Points - Just for being a documentary featuring the guitar player from a band I love, the guitar player from a band I really like, and the guitar player from a band who has 3 songs I like.

Post Grad (2009)

Starring: Alexis Bledel, Carol Burnett, Jane Lynch
Director: Vicky Jenson

4 Thoughts On Post Grad

1. 4 Brave friends set out on a chilly September night to view this comedy about the ZANY life of a recent college grad. 3 of the 4 friends became sick the day after they saw the movie. These friends were my friends. I was one of the unlucky 3. If you see this movie, you will get sick. This grave warning is also my official review.
2. Post Grad might of been good if it had actually focused on what its title suggested. Instead it was more or less the story of an offbeat family.
3. I haven't wanted to see Michael Keaton in a movie since 1992.
4. Jane Lynch and Carol Burnett were funny.

Rating: 2
1 Point - Jane Lynch (She steals every movie she's in)
1 Point - There was a little kid outside the theater performing acts of animal cruelty toward a kitten. He earns Post Grad an additional point

The Happening (2008)

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo
Director: M. Night Shyamalan

8 Thoughts On The Happening

****SPOILER ALERT****

1. If MAD Magazine did a parody of The Happening, it would be called "The Crappening"
2. Thought #1 may be my funniest Mike At The Movies joke yet!
3. M. Night Shyamalan has been getting water from a dry well for way too long now.
4. Mark Wahlberg is just the worst.
5. Zooey Deschanel is just the best.
6. John Leguizamo will never be taken seriously. Ever.
7. About halfway through the movie, I figured out the twist ending for The Happening. When there was no twist ending, I realized my version was a lot better.
8. Say hi to your mother for me.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 Points - Zooey Deschanel

Ponyo (2009)

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Noah Cyrus, Matt Damon
Director: Hayao Miyazaki

3 Thoughts on Ponyo

1. I don't care what all pretentious folk may say, American animation is way better than Japanese animation.
2. Decent story, rough at times.
3. I really should of been on mushrooms while watching this movie.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown:
3 Points - For a somewhat fun, well paced affair
1 Point - Betty White

Extract (2009)

Starring: Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, Kristen Wiig
Director: Mike Judge

4 Thoughts On Extract

1. A comedy that wants to be funny, but just falls flat.
2. Ben Affleck is a solid supporting character, yet has the misfortune of playing a supporting character with 2 good jokes.
3. Fortunately, David Koechner did rule in this film.
4. Kristen Wiig is hot.
5. Easily forgettable movie.

Rating: 4
Ratings Breakdown
1 point - David Koechner
1 point - Kristen Wiig
1 point - "God's Cock"
1 point - mild humor

Reality Bites (1994)

Starring: Winona Ryder, Ben Stiller, Ethan Hawke
Director: Ben Stiller

4 Thoughts on Reality Bites

1. Meh
2. I get it, you guys are slackers!
3. Janeane Garofalo and Winona Ryder dancing in a convenience store to My Sharona ruined the entire movie for me.
4. If I didn't have a job, I may of loved this movie.

Rating: 3
Ratings Breakdown:
1 Point - David Spade
2 Points - A decent movie despite its annoyances.

What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

Starring: Woody Allen, Louise Lasser, The Lovin' Spoonful
Director: Woody Allen

Thoughts On What's Up, Tiger Lily?

1. Woody is God...unless your an underage asian female. If you are an underage asian female then Woody is a pedophile.
2. If one is in the mood for dumb comedy, this is for you.
3. The Lovin' Spoonful are just so awesome.
   
4. Every movie should have a band performing throughout its duration.
5. Please ignore my Woody Allen reviews, I can not judge his movies objectively.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown:
5 Points - Laughs
2 Points - Woody appearances
2 Points - Woody Allen bonus points