Bart Got A Room (2009)

Starring: Steven Kaplan, William H. Macy, Cheryl Hines
Director: Brian Hecker

3 Thoughts On Bart Got A Room

1. Schmaltzy indie.
2. Not even one of those too smart to be funny movies. It's more like a too indie to have anything significant movie.
3. William H. Macy rocking the Jew fro is always awesome.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - No idea.

Thirst (2009)

Starring: Song Kang-ho, Kim Ok-bin, Shin Ha-kyun
Director: Park Chan-wook

4 Thoughts On Thirst

1. Holy crap Batman! Amazing.
   
2. Whenever I watch a foreign film, I generally get ready for nothing, but wow this was good.
3. Think Twilight but not for retards.
4. My new goal is to see every Park Chan-wook movie. I have now seen 2 of his movies and am almost convinced he is one of the best modern filmmakers.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 points - Awesomeness.

Valentine's Day (2010)

Starring: Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper
Director: Garry Marshall

7 Thoughts On Valentine's Day

1. Disregard my last review, Garry Marshall was unable to make this turd enjoyable viewing.
2. Taylor Swift needs to be in more movies like a sex offender needs to be in more playgrounds.
3. Ashton Kutcher annoys me.
4. Taylor Lautner annoys me.
5. George Lopez annoys me.
6. Jessica Alba not only annoys me, but she is also not attractive. Yeah, I said it.
7. Julia Roberts did a fine job.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
12 points - Step By Step alum in Valentine's Day
-9 points - Watching Anne Hathaway in just a shirt and knowing nothing will ever happen between us.

The Princess Diaries (2001)

Starring: Anne Hathaway, Heather Matarazzo, Julie Andrews
Director: Garry Marshall

Thoughts On The Princess Diaries

1. One of the downfalls to seeing every movie ever is having to watch stuff like The Princess Diaries.
2. Garry Marshall can make a turd decently watchable. A whatever movie.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - Moving pictures.

Tooth Fairy (2010)

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Ashley Judd, Julie Andrews
Director: Michael Lembeck

4 Thoughts On Tooth Fairy

1. The Mike says despite this movie being for children, it was still a train wreck.
2. The Mike says The Mike can not believe Ashley Judd used to have a career and looks.
3. The Mike says Dwayne Johnson should go back to being The Rock. Why? The Mike does not know.
4. The Mike says this film was pointless

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
10 points - The Rock
10 points - Hockey
2 points - Billy Crystal
-19 points - Tooth Fairy (2010)

Edge Of Darkness (2010)

Starring: Mel Gibson, Ray Winstone, Danny Huston
Director: Martin Campbell

2 Thoughts On Edge Of Darkness

1. Crappier version of Taken but with Boston accents.
2. I expect a high amount of Jew hatred in every Mel Gibson film. 0 Jew hatred in Edge Of Darkness. Shame on you Mel.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Thrillers are always decent.
-1 point - I didn't see any Crucifixions.

Paper Heart (2009)

Starring: Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera, Jake Johnson
Director: Nicholas Jasenovec

3 Thoughts On Paper Heart

1. Alright, I guess.
2. Let's hope the "hybrid documentary" format never takes off.
3. Too cute for it's own good.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
3 points - I'm still not sick of Michael Cera.
2 points - I like celebrities pretending to be acting real. I like it a lot.

Bubble (2006)

Starring: Debbie Doebereiner, Dustin James Ashley, Misty Dawn Wilkins
Director: Steven Soderbergh

3 Thoughts On Bubble

1. Unique, quality film.
2. The plot really doesn't even start until halfway through the movie, but it seems that is the point.
3. The no name actors and improvised dialogue lend a healthy dose of realism to Bubble

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - It was a good flick, whatchya gonna do about it?

SLC Punk! (1998)

Starring: Matthew Lillard, Michael A. Goorjian, Jason Segel
Director: James Merendino

4 Thoughts On SLC Punk

1. General indie fare, but you know what: I had fun!
2. The punk stuff was a little cliche, but you know what: I had fun!
3. Watching this movie in 2010 makes it difficult to take Matthew Lillard seriously.
4. Jason Segel rules all, especially in this role.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Matthew Lillard's "Breakdown"
3 points - Jason Segel
1 point - you know what, I had fun!

Extraordinary Measures (2010)

Starring: Brendan Fraser, Harrison Ford, Keri Russell
Director: Tom Vaughan

4 Thoughts On Extraordinary Measures

1. The only thing worse than a bad movie, is a bad movie that tries to jam emotion down the audience's throat. Shame on you Extraordinary Measures.
2. A woman was upset with my incessant laughing. I explained to her it was comical how force fed everything was. I then suggested she watch a film like Precious, where sad characters and sad situations are presented, yet the audience can choose how they feel. Watch Precious and y'all will see what I mean.
3. This movie was CBS Films first release. It bombed. Up next for CBS Films, we have a J-Lo movie, and a movie starring Vanessa Hudgens and Mary-Kate Olsen. Buh-bye CBS Films!
4. Extraordinary Measures had a budget of $31 million. It stars Harrison Ford and Brendan Fraser. Who the fuck took a pay cut?

Rating: 0
Rating Breakdown
0 points - I will never give any points to any movie that exploits sickness for cheap sadness. Ex: My Sister's Keeper