Michael Jackson's This Is It (2009)

Director: Kenny Ortega, Michael Jackson

3 Thoughts On Michael Jackson's This Is It

1. Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson
2. A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson fucked little boys.
3. Most of Michael Jackson's vocals sounded as if he was about to die. Oh.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 Points - Hey, it wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (2009)

Starring: Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Neil Patrick Harris
Director: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller

2 Thoughts On Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs

1. Fun, short, to the point.
2. 3-D SUCKS

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 Points - These rating breakdowns are so inaccurate anyway.

Paranormal Activity (2009)

Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat
Director: Oren Peli

3 Thoughts On Paranormal Activity

1. 100 minutes of film. 15 minutes of suspense.
2. Holy shit, Katie Featherston is my new hottest actress. You don't see many with her body type in Hollywood.
3. Not even close to the scariest movie of all time, but somewhat decent.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Katie and her little short shorts.
2 Points - Cool, sometimes.

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Jamie Foxx, Leslie Bibb
Director: F. Gary Gray

3 Thoughts On Law Abiding Citizen

1. About 30 minutes into the film, I thought to myself, "Man, this is a superbly smart, intense, and fun thriller."
2. By the end of the movie, I still thought it was great, but just not that smart.
3. Solution for Gerard Butler's terrible American accent....

Daughter: Daddy, where were you born?
G. Butler: Well honey, I'm from Scotland, which is wayyy on the other side of the great Atlantic Ocean. I came to live here when I was your age!

Problem solved.


Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - Fun, fun, fun....I almost took a point away for the bad accent, but everything else about Butler's performance was pretty solid. Enjoy your freebie Mr. Butler.

The Stepfather (2009)

Starring: Penn Badgley, Dylan Walsh, Amber Heard
Director: Nelson McCormick

5 Thoughts On The Stepfather

1. Bad, bad horror.
2. Amber Heard is the greatest human being on Earth.
3. Dylan Walsh is kind of awesome in a laughably bad way.
4. April O'Fucking Neil is in this film! And she's a lesbian! Weird.
5. Despite just giving several praises, The Stepfather is just bad.

Rating: 3
1 Point - Am
1 Point - Ber
1 Point - Some laughably bad moments

Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

Starring: John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson
Director: Paul Weitz

1 Thought On Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

1. Did John C. Reilly really think this crappy origin story would lead to a juicy franchise. Shame on you Mr. C. Reilly, shame on you.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 Points - Salma Hayek's breasts (1 point each)

Whip It (2009)

Starring: Ellen Page, Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig
Director: Drew Barrymore

5 Thoughts On Whip It

1. Quite enjoybale, tons of fun.
2. I wanted to absolutely love this movie, but could not. Whip It still was great though.
3. Daniel Stern was and is hilarious.
4. Alia Shawkat is so friggin hot.
5. I normally hate Juliette Lewis in everything she has been in. Surprisingly, I liked her in this film

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
1 Point - Something About Ellen Page
2 Points - Tough, Tattooed Women
4 Points - Quality, Baby!

Surrogates (2009)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Rosamund Pike
Director: Jonathan Mostow

2 Thoughts On Surrogates

1. Ehh, whatever.
2. Bruce Willis always has awful hair.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
4 Points - Ehh, whatever

Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

Starring: Derek Richardson, Eric Christian Olsen, Eugene Levy
Director: Troy Miller

4 Thoughts on Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

1. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
2. Cheri O' Teri was so funny on Saturday Night Live. Very sad.
3. Dumb And Dumber is my favorite comedy of all time. Even my bias for dumb comedy could not save this garbage.
4. It's kind of neat to see that Eric Christian Olsen is still managing to have a decent career after this film.
   

Rating: 1
1 point - ECO (That's for you Teapot)

Fargo (1996)

Starring: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi
Director: Joel & Ethan Coen

7 Thoughts On Fargo

1. Absolute classic.
2. My current number 1 film of 1996
3. Fargo marks the fourth time I have admitted a Coen Brothers movie totally kicked ass.
4. I was laughing so hard, I barely noticed I was in the middle of a crime thriller.
5. It is completely understandable how Fraces McDormand has basically coasted off this performance for the past 13 years.
6. William H. Macy was already one of my favorite actors (see: Magnolia, The Cooler), this is just icing on the cake.
7. Even though the wood chipper scene has been famous for 13 years, it was still awesome to finally see it. ( No spoiler warning, if you don't know about the wood chipper scene, then you are stupid.)

Rating: 10
Rating Breakdown
10 points - Everything: I loved all 98 minutes of Fargo, then when it was over, I realized I loved it even more.

The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

Starring: Ben Stiller, Malin Akerman, Michelle Monaghan
Director: Bobby And Peter Farrelly

5 Thoughts On The Heartbreak Kid

1. Funnier than expected, yet often more dull than it should of been.
   
2. Ben Stiller is old
3. Malin Akerman; leading actress who will get naked...WIN.
4. I'm starting to think Danny McBride is actually funny.
5. Carlos Mencia still is not funny.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 Points - Ms. Akerman

Where The Wild Things Are (2009)

Starring: Max Records, Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo
Director: Spike Jonze

3 Thoughts On Where The Wild Things Are

1. Bleh. Maybe Bleh was a little too hars. The film was Ok.
2. On a brighter note, it seems only the trailer was super-pretentious. The actual film is basically standard fare.
3. The Karen O soundtrack does rule.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Karen O
2 points - Guessing who supplied the monsters' voices was kind of fun.
2 points - Cute

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (2009)

Starring: Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, Geoff Stults
Director: Bob Gosse

5 Thoughts On I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

1. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is what happens when good comedy goes really bad.
2. Bob Gosse clearly does not get what makes a scene funny.
3. Bob Gosse clearly does not get how a scene works.
4. The acting was just atrocious for the most part.
5. The "shitting scene" was a rare moment of hilarity. Win!

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Poop
2 points - Hot actresses

Pandorum (2009)

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet
Director: Christian Alvart

2 Thoughts On Pandorum

1. Wanted to be thrilled by this thriller, but no thrills were to be had.
2. Ben Foster is still the most underrated actor in the world right now.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Ben needs more work. Pronto

Couples Retreat (2009)

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau
Director: Peter Billingsley

6 Thoughts On Couples Retreat

1. Could of been great. Could of been...
2. Most scenes have a great premise that should lead to hilarious situational comedy, yet none of the actors explore the funniest depths of their dilemmas.
3. Malin Akerman is ridiculously hot, yet she gets naked in The Heartbreak Kid, and Watchmen, and not this movie. Le sigh.
4. I don't care what anyone says, Jason Bateman is not funny.
5. Vince Vaughn and Co. making jokes directed toward 20 year old frat guys is way too similar to The Ataris singing songs for 17 year old high school students. Both need to stop.
6. Ralphie from A Christmas Story directed this. Pretty Cool

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Decent amount of laughs
3 Points - Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Kristin Davis

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Adam Brody
Director: Karyn Kusama


3 Thoughts On Jennifer's Body

1. If you like horror, this movie is not for you. If you like decent cinema, this movie is not for you.
2. Well Diablo Cody, you had a nice little run (even nabbed an Oscar!), but your time is up.
3. Megan Fox is neither attractive nor talented.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Megan Fox does have a nice body

Zombieland (2009)

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone
Director: Ruben Fleischer



****MAJOR SPOILER ALERT****















6 Thoughts On Zombieland

1. Awesome couldn't describe this film. Holy crap awesome is more like it.
2. The most pure fun I've had at the movies all year, and I'm not talking fun like Journey To The Center Of The Earth fun, I'm talking zombie killing fun.
3. Bill Murray = Best Cameo Ever
4. Emma Stone = What A Babe
5. Abigail Breslin = What A Babe... Yeah, I went there.
6. Jesse Eisenberg is slightly annoying as Diet Michael Cera, but this movie was just too awesome for me to care.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
10 points - Everything
-2 points - No flow. The film starts on a high, and stays on a high without any lows.
+1 point - No flow. The film starts on a high, and stays on a high without any lows.

9 (2009)

Starring: Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Jennifer Connelly
Director: Shane Acker

2 Thoughts On 9

1. Awesome visuals, OK movie.
2. 80 minutes long...WIN!

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - 80 minutes!*...and guessing all the voices was kind of fun.

*Please Note: Mike At The Movies does not officially endorse shorter movies as better movies.

Fame (2009)

Starring: Naturi Naughton, Collins Pennie, Kay Panabaker
Director Kevin Tancharoen

3 Thoughts On Fame

1. Didn't see the original, shouldn't of seen the re-make. Not cool.
2. A few decent cameos. You may like them.
3. Not cool.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Whatever

The Invention Of Lying (2009)

Starring: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Jonah Hill
Director: Ricky Gervais, Matthew Robinson

4 Thoughts On The Invention Of Lying

1. Cool premise, great stor- ehh...Cool premise is about it.
2. A couple of chuckles here and there.
   
3. Ricky Gervais can be moderately funny. That's it.
4. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best.
5. Jonah Hill really wants to be a dramatic actor. Please don't do it, Jonah

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
2 points - PSH
3 points - A few Ha's. Just a few.

Fred Claus (2007)

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Miranda Richardson
Director: David Dobkin

1 Thought On Fred Claus

1. Dear Fred Claus, On the whole your movie was enjoyable. I found your film to be of a quality much higher than critics and fans have said it was. However, I must tell you Fred Claus, YOU ARE NOT ELF. NOT EVEN CLOSE. Love, Michael

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Quality Christmas production
-1 point - Cut the shit, Vince Vaughan. Cut the shit.

Take The Money And Run (1969)

Starring: Woody Allen, Janet Margolin, Louise Lasser
Director: Woody Allen

4 Thoughts On Take The Money And Run

1. Just all sorts of awesome.
2. Think Woody Allen and The Naked Gun have a child film. This would be that film
   
3. Woody playing cello in a high school marching band could be the hardest I have ever laughed at a Woody movie.
4. It's a shame Woody Allen is a pedophile.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 points - Mr. Allen is the best

Whiteout (2009)

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Columbus Short
Director: Dominic Sena

3 Thoughts On Whiteout

1. Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad
2. Note To Self: If I ever write a thriller, do not reveal the killer with 20 minutes left in the movie.
3. Is it just me or is Kate Beckinsale not that hot? Anyone?...anyone?

Rating - 1
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Kate Beckinsale (contradiction much?)

The Final Destination (2009)

Starring: Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten, Haley Webb
Director: David R. Ellis

4 Thoughts On The Final Destination

1. Not as good as the original, but better than 2 and 3. No wait, 2 and 3 had less contrived opening sequences. Actually no, 2 and 3 also had very contrived opening sequences. Ok, well that's fine but TFD held up for the entirity of the movie better than 2 and 3. Sorry, no it didn't. When I think about it, none of the 4 Final Destinations have been good . None.
2. 3-D RUUUULEESSSSS. No it does not rule.
3. Has Bubba Gump really been demoted to a body count character in shitty horror movies? I wonder what Tom Hanks is doing these days.
4. The Final Destination had the franchise's best sex scene.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Under 90 minute running time. (I don't mean to start a precendent by giving short movies bonus points, but hey a shitty horror movie under 90 minutes deserves the point!)
1 point - SEX
1 point - A rarely used obsenity. (If you see this garbage, you will know what I am talking about.)

Halloween II (2009)

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Sheri Moon Zombie
Director: Rob Zombie

3 Thoughts on Halloween II

1. Overall, an average horror movie.
2. The opening homage to the original "Halloween II" did rule.
3. Rob Zombie needs to stop the white trash nonsense in all his films.

Rating: 4
Ratings Breakdown
3 points - Weird Al Yankovic
1 point - Easy to watch horror

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009)

Starring: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols
Director: Stephen Sommers

1 Though On G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra

1. Think Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, but 30 minutes shorter.

Rating: 1
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Brendan Fraser cameo

Julie & Julia (2009)

Starring: Amy Adams, Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci
Director: Nora Ephron

5 Thoughts On Julie & Julia

1. Not half bad, considering this film was made for adult women in their twilight years taking reluctant husbands to the theater. These husbands of course are only going for a rare chance to have intercourse with their wives after their little date (and some wine!). With that being said, a 23 year old sitting alone in a theater was also able to enjoy it.
2. Even though I like almost nothing she's in, Meryl Streep just might be the best actress ever.
3. Amy Adams is not attractive.
4. Amy Adams also made poor acting choices. I pointed them out to myself, then realized I am being a prick, and stopped.
5. A plot point toward the end stopped this movie from being anything good or great.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Meryl
3 points - mmmmmm

The Informant! (2009)

Starring: Matt Damon, Scott Bakula, Joel McHale
Director: Steven Soderbergh

4 Thoughts On The Informant!

1. Highly enjoyable film
2. A unique take on a subject generally more fit for thrillers.
3. Matt Damon was great, yet I don't buy him as a middle-aged husband/father.
4. Joel McHale will most likely never have a career outside "The Soup"

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Fat Damon
6 points - Quality

Sorority Row (2009)

Starring: Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Jamie Chung
Director: Stewart Hendler

Thoughts On Sorority Row

1. In a strange bit of shocking news, I actually enjoyed Sorority Row
2. Think of Drag Me To Hell, but take away the self-awareness.
3. Whenever I saw Rumer Willis on screen, I could see she was not attractive, I knew she was not attractive, yet I somehow found her stupidly attractive.
4. Stupid ending.
5. Carrie Fisher did not need to be in this movie.
6. I wish I was in that sorority...minus the death, I don't wish for all the death.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - hot young chicks representing every horror cliche in the book.