Sherlock Holmes (2009)

4 Thoughts On Sherlock Holmes

1. Kind of, sometimes fun.
2. Robert Downey Jr. laid an acting beat down on Jude Law, despite the fact RDJ walked through his role as the world's most famous sleuth.
3. I STILL don't see anything special in Rachel McAdams.
4. I STILL don't see anything special in Guy Ritchie.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 Points - Cocaine is one hell of a drug. Long live RDJ.

Stardust Memories (1980)

2 Thoughts On Stardust Memories

1. An amazingly well-crafted, often funny yet more often interesting film.
2. Don't ask me to explain or defend my love of Stardust Memories. My Woody Allen bias knows no bounds.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 Points - ...Yeah

Up In The Air (2009)

Starring: George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick
Director: Jason Reitman

5 Thoughts On Up In The Air

1. Solid.
2. Not the Oscar lock that everyone says it is, but a solid film nevertheless.
3. Vera Farmiga is an untapped well of acting prowess.
4. Takes some very unexpected turns to keep the plot churning and the audience intrigued.
5. Once in a while Up In The Air develops Lost In Translation syndrome and uses too much subtext. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing.
   

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 Points - The year is almost over, just accept the 7 rating.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson
Director: Chris Weitz

6 Thoughts On The Twilight Saga: New Moon

1. Just plain awful.
2. Why do girls actually like these books/movies?
3. Why do girls actually like Robert Pattinson?
4. I guess I understand why girls like Taylor Lautner. He is a bad actor though.
5. Why are both Edward and Jacob going after Bella? She sucks
6. Kristen Stewart is pretty hot though.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 Point - KS
2 Points - Dakota Fanning is not a girl, not yet a woman.

Avatar (2009)

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Sladana, Stephen Lang
Director: James Cameron

2 Thoughts On Avatar

1. Stunning, stunning, stunning, stunning visuals.
2. Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty plot.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
5 Points - You MUST see this in Imax 3D.
1 Point - Is it just me or are the Na'vi kind of hot?

Ninja Assassin (2009)

Starring: Rain, Naomie Harris
Director: James McTeigue

3 Thoughts On Ninja Assassin

1. Senseless dumb action, but not in a cool senseless dumb action way. Understand?
2. Rain is huge in Korea. I thought I'd add that fact in.
3. Some cool fighting/blood stuff. I guess.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
4 points - Please God help me make it to the 2010 movie year.

Old Dogs (2009)

Starring: John Travolta, Robin Williams, Kelly Preston
Director: Walt Becker

5 Thoughts On Old Dogs

1. Yuck.
2. Robin Williams and John Travolta seem tired; very, very tired.
3. Thank you American movie audiences for making this film a financial failure. I still have faith in y'all.
4. Loved the nonsensical scene progression.
5. Question. John Travolta's daughter and wife are both in this movie. Doesn't JT also have a son? Guess someone is the black sheep in the Travolta household.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 Point - Justin Long
2 Points - Only 85 minutes of torture.

Armored (2009)

Starring: Matt Dillon, Jean Reno, Laurence Fishburne
Director: Nimrod Antal

4 Thoughts On Armored

1. Thrills!.....Kinda.
2. Laurence Fishburne is getting fat.
3. Cue the Skeet Ulrich comeback!
4. Seeing every movie sometimes sucks.

Rating 5
Rating Breakdown:
5 Points - No clue

A Christmas Carol (2009)

Starring: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Cary Elwes
Director: Robert Zemeckis

3 Thoughts On A Christmas Carol

1. Classic story.
2. I don't care what anyone says, I hate Zemeckis animation.
3. The Muppets did it better.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Love the Dick....ens
3 Points - Love the Christmas

Planet 51

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Jessica Biel, Justin Long
Director: Jorge Blanco, Javier Abad, Marcos Martinez

Thought on Planet 51

1. Took a 5 year old to see this movie. He liked it, I did not. Enough said

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Kid friendly
1 Point - Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'?

W. (2008)

Starring: Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Banks, James Cromwell
Director: Oliver Stone

4 Thoughts On W.

1. Decent, mildly entertaining film.
2. Decent, mildly entertaining film for a 2008 audience. Probably won't hold up for a 2028 audience.
3. Each character was predictably given personality traits reflective of their respective stereotypes. Ex. Bush is stupid, Cheney runs the show, Rove is is undermining.
4. Scenes where there was no possible way Oliver Stone could of known what was actually said were highly annoying to watch.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 Points - God bless America

Everybody's Fine (2009)

Starring: Robert De Niro, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale
Director: Kirk Jones

1 Thought On Everybody's Fine

1. Not about Christmas at all. Fuck You Everyody's Fine

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Kate
-1 Point - Why De Niro, Why?

Brothers (2009)

Starring: Tobey Maguire, Jake Gyllenhaal, Natalie Portman
Director: Jim Sheridan

4 Thoughts On Brothers

1. Jim Sheridan will always give the viewer their money's worth.
2. Disclaimer to Thought 1: I never saw Get Rich Or Die Tryin'
3. Natalie Portman can not act.
4. Tobey Maguire is weak throughout the film, yet solid by its climax.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
5 points - Emotional journey
2 points - For when the acting was good.

The Express (2008)

Starring: Rob Brown, Charles S. Dutton, Dennis Quaid
Director: Gary Fleder

5 Thoughts On The Express

1. I always thought making a good uplifting, overcoming the odds sports film was simple. I guess not.
2. Overall the film was decent, but never attempts to make the audience care about it's main subjects.
3. How Rob Brown has had several big Hollywood roles, I will never know.
4. Considering the fact Ernie Davis dies right after college (No spoiler warning. Know your history silly.) kind of works against him as a potential protagonist.
5. NOTICE. Re: I get it, white people used to not like black people. Can we please focus on the story now?

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
3 points - Bad acting. Dennis Quaid can be comical.
1 point - FOOTBALL!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008)

Starring: Piper Perabo, Manolo Cardona, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Raja Gosnell

3 Thoughts On Beverly Hills Chihuahua

1. Why God, Why?
2. My 5 year old brother and sister walked off halfway through. Talking dogs could not keep their attention. Sad day.
3. One Piper Perabo getting railed scene might of made this movie watchable. Well, maybe.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Short and mindless.

Precious (2009)

Starring: Gabourey Sidibe, Mo'Nique, Paula Patton
Director: Lee Daniels

5 Thoughts On Precious

1. Very, very good film. Nothing classic, but very, very good film.
2. I was not convinced of the Mo'Nique Oscar buzz. After the climactic scene, I penciled her in as a lock for a nomination.
3. The tone of the film told me to be said. I did not like that.
4. The character choices told me nothing. I was left to form my own opinions. I liked that.
5. Mike At The Movies will take the high road and make 0 black jokes. You're Welcome (or I'm Sorry)

Rating: 8
Rating Breakdown
8 points - It was a great movie. I don't feel like a witty point distribution tonight.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Starring: George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman
Director: Wes Anderson

1 Thought On Fantastic Mr. Fox

1. Dear Wes Anderson (and you too Spike Jonze!), Adapting a children's book in a pretentious smarky fashion is not cool. Love, Mike

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - Man, Rushmore is a great movie.

The Blind Side (2009)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, Quinton Aaron
Director: John Lee Hancock

2 Thoughts On The Blind Side

1. Cookie cutter overcoming the odds, feel-good sports movie.
2. I cried for the last hour.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
3 points - FOOTBALL!
3 points - Is it just me or is Sandra Bullock underrated on both talent and looks?

The Box (2009)

Starring: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella
Director: Richard Kelly

4 Thoughts On The Box

1. Despite all my better judgement, I must officially announce that I liked this movie.
2. Despite poorly researched southern Virginia accents, Cameron Diaz and James Marsden were both soild.
3. Despite Frank Langella being awesome as always, there was no reason for half of his face to be missing.
   
4. Despite my liking of the ending, it would of been better had it come after a 7 minute short film. Not a feature length motion picture.

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - Just because

Saw VI (2009)

Starring: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Shawnee Smith
Director: Kevin Greutert

4 Thoughts On Saw VI

1. Same old Saw stuff.
2. The well is running dry.
3. Sadly it seems epic twists are no longer required for the franchise.
4. EDDIE WINSLOW... EDDIE WINSLOW!

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
15 points - Not only is Eddie Winslow in this film, but Eddie Winslow dies in this film. (No spoiler alert necessary. My dear readers NEED to know this information.)
-10 points - Some decent gross stuff, but mostly same old shit.

Pirate Radio (2009)

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Rhys Ifans
Director: Richard Curtis

4 Thoughts On Pirate Radio

1. Jolly good time.
2. Nick Frost is pretty damn funny. Even for an English guy.
3. Is the morning guy DEL MOTHER F'N PRESTON?!?! IT IS!!!
4. Ultimately a clever script that could just never truly reel me in.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown:
1 point - Del Preston
2 points - PSH is just always on.
2 points - strong female cast
1 point - Fun, fun, fun. Kind of

The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009)

Starring: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges
Director: Grant Heslov

2 Thoughts On The Men Who Stare At Goats

1. Lukewarm fun. If that makes any sense.
   
2. A diet Coen Brothers feel. If that makes any sense.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - These rating breakdowns don't make any sense.

The Fourth Kind (2009)

Starring: Milla Jovovich, Elias Koteas, Will Patton
Director: Olatunde Osunsamni

4 Thoughts On The Fourth Kind

1. Ambitious sci-fi/horror film, which swings for the fences and badly strikes out.
2. Ambitious sci-fi/horror film, which consistently insults the intelligence of its audience.
3. Why does Milla Jovovich think she is so much smarter than everyone else? (See: A Perfect Getaway)
4. Any movie with Casey Jones (Elias Koteas) should, but probably won't get a 10.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown:
3 points - Casey Jones

Astro Boy (2009)

Starring: Freddie Highmore, Nicholas Cage, Donald Sutherland
Director: David Bowers

3 Thoughts On Astro Boy

1. Watchable children's film. Nothing more, nothing less.
2. Nicholas Cage needs to pretend animation is a solid Nicholas Cage financial record and avoid it.
3. Political subtext = Oh Hollywood, you're so clever.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Short, and a little fun
2 points - The train wreck known as Nicholas Cage voice work.

Amelia (2009)

Starring: Hilary Swank, Richard Gere, Ewan McGregor
Director: Mira Nair


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1 Thought On Amelia

1. Amelia Earhart died and this movie sucked.

Rating: 1
1 point - What the fuck was Ewan McGregor doing in Amelia?

Capitalism: A Love Story

Director: Michael Moore

5 Thoughts On Capitalism: A Love Story

1. Michael Moore's most reserved work leads to one of his best films yet. Hell has frozen over.
2. Rather than claim Canada has 0 gun violence (Bowling For Columbine) or showing Cuba's superior health care system (Sicko), Michael Moore for the most part stays on point.
3. While I thought the film was well done, I do vehemently agree with most of his points. For the record.
4. The example of corporate democracy was interesting, then I thought to myself "Well, it's wonderful that it works for that small company. No way would that work on a broad scale." His example was immediately less interesting.
5. The "dead peasant" argument was amongst his hardest hitting in my eyes. When I found out a lot of it was bullshit and distorted presentation of facts, it became less hard hitting in my eyes.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 points - You've gone soft with age Sir Michael Moore.

Michael Jackson's This Is It (2009)

Director: Kenny Ortega, Michael Jackson

3 Thoughts On Michael Jackson's This Is It

1. Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson
2. A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson fucked little boys.
3. Most of Michael Jackson's vocals sounded as if he was about to die. Oh.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 Points - Hey, it wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (2009)

Starring: Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Neil Patrick Harris
Director: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller

2 Thoughts On Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs

1. Fun, short, to the point.
2. 3-D SUCKS

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 Points - These rating breakdowns are so inaccurate anyway.

Paranormal Activity (2009)

Starring: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat
Director: Oren Peli

3 Thoughts On Paranormal Activity

1. 100 minutes of film. 15 minutes of suspense.
2. Holy shit, Katie Featherston is my new hottest actress. You don't see many with her body type in Hollywood.
3. Not even close to the scariest movie of all time, but somewhat decent.

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Katie and her little short shorts.
2 Points - Cool, sometimes.

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)

Starring: Gerard Butler, Jamie Foxx, Leslie Bibb
Director: F. Gary Gray

3 Thoughts On Law Abiding Citizen

1. About 30 minutes into the film, I thought to myself, "Man, this is a superbly smart, intense, and fun thriller."
2. By the end of the movie, I still thought it was great, but just not that smart.
3. Solution for Gerard Butler's terrible American accent....

Daughter: Daddy, where were you born?
G. Butler: Well honey, I'm from Scotland, which is wayyy on the other side of the great Atlantic Ocean. I came to live here when I was your age!

Problem solved.


Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
7 points - Fun, fun, fun....I almost took a point away for the bad accent, but everything else about Butler's performance was pretty solid. Enjoy your freebie Mr. Butler.

The Stepfather (2009)

Starring: Penn Badgley, Dylan Walsh, Amber Heard
Director: Nelson McCormick

5 Thoughts On The Stepfather

1. Bad, bad horror.
2. Amber Heard is the greatest human being on Earth.
3. Dylan Walsh is kind of awesome in a laughably bad way.
4. April O'Fucking Neil is in this film! And she's a lesbian! Weird.
5. Despite just giving several praises, The Stepfather is just bad.

Rating: 3
1 Point - Am
1 Point - Ber
1 Point - Some laughably bad moments

Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)

Starring: John C. Reilly, Ken Watanabe, Josh Hutcherson
Director: Paul Weitz

1 Thought On Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

1. Did John C. Reilly really think this crappy origin story would lead to a juicy franchise. Shame on you Mr. C. Reilly, shame on you.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 Points - Salma Hayek's breasts (1 point each)

Whip It (2009)

Starring: Ellen Page, Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig
Director: Drew Barrymore

5 Thoughts On Whip It

1. Quite enjoybale, tons of fun.
2. I wanted to absolutely love this movie, but could not. Whip It still was great though.
3. Daniel Stern was and is hilarious.
4. Alia Shawkat is so friggin hot.
5. I normally hate Juliette Lewis in everything she has been in. Surprisingly, I liked her in this film

Rating: 7
Rating Breakdown
1 Point - Something About Ellen Page
2 Points - Tough, Tattooed Women
4 Points - Quality, Baby!

Surrogates (2009)

Starring: Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, Rosamund Pike
Director: Jonathan Mostow

2 Thoughts On Surrogates

1. Ehh, whatever.
2. Bruce Willis always has awful hair.

Rating: 4
Rating Breakdown
4 Points - Ehh, whatever

Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

Starring: Derek Richardson, Eric Christian Olsen, Eugene Levy
Director: Troy Miller

4 Thoughts on Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

1. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
2. Cheri O' Teri was so funny on Saturday Night Live. Very sad.
3. Dumb And Dumber is my favorite comedy of all time. Even my bias for dumb comedy could not save this garbage.
4. It's kind of neat to see that Eric Christian Olsen is still managing to have a decent career after this film.
   

Rating: 1
1 point - ECO (That's for you Teapot)

Fargo (1996)

Starring: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi
Director: Joel & Ethan Coen

7 Thoughts On Fargo

1. Absolute classic.
2. My current number 1 film of 1996
3. Fargo marks the fourth time I have admitted a Coen Brothers movie totally kicked ass.
4. I was laughing so hard, I barely noticed I was in the middle of a crime thriller.
5. It is completely understandable how Fraces McDormand has basically coasted off this performance for the past 13 years.
6. William H. Macy was already one of my favorite actors (see: Magnolia, The Cooler), this is just icing on the cake.
7. Even though the wood chipper scene has been famous for 13 years, it was still awesome to finally see it. ( No spoiler warning, if you don't know about the wood chipper scene, then you are stupid.)

Rating: 10
Rating Breakdown
10 points - Everything: I loved all 98 minutes of Fargo, then when it was over, I realized I loved it even more.

The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

Starring: Ben Stiller, Malin Akerman, Michelle Monaghan
Director: Bobby And Peter Farrelly

5 Thoughts On The Heartbreak Kid

1. Funnier than expected, yet often more dull than it should of been.
   
2. Ben Stiller is old
3. Malin Akerman; leading actress who will get naked...WIN.
4. I'm starting to think Danny McBride is actually funny.
5. Carlos Mencia still is not funny.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
6 Points - Ms. Akerman

Where The Wild Things Are (2009)

Starring: Max Records, Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo
Director: Spike Jonze

3 Thoughts On Where The Wild Things Are

1. Bleh. Maybe Bleh was a little too hars. The film was Ok.
2. On a brighter note, it seems only the trailer was super-pretentious. The actual film is basically standard fare.
3. The Karen O soundtrack does rule.

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Karen O
2 points - Guessing who supplied the monsters' voices was kind of fun.
2 points - Cute

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (2009)

Starring: Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, Geoff Stults
Director: Bob Gosse

5 Thoughts On I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

1. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is what happens when good comedy goes really bad.
2. Bob Gosse clearly does not get what makes a scene funny.
3. Bob Gosse clearly does not get how a scene works.
4. The acting was just atrocious for the most part.
5. The "shitting scene" was a rare moment of hilarity. Win!

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Poop
2 points - Hot actresses

Pandorum (2009)

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet
Director: Christian Alvart

2 Thoughts On Pandorum

1. Wanted to be thrilled by this thriller, but no thrills were to be had.
2. Ben Foster is still the most underrated actor in the world right now.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Ben needs more work. Pronto

Couples Retreat (2009)

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau
Director: Peter Billingsley

6 Thoughts On Couples Retreat

1. Could of been great. Could of been...
2. Most scenes have a great premise that should lead to hilarious situational comedy, yet none of the actors explore the funniest depths of their dilemmas.
3. Malin Akerman is ridiculously hot, yet she gets naked in The Heartbreak Kid, and Watchmen, and not this movie. Le sigh.
4. I don't care what anyone says, Jason Bateman is not funny.
5. Vince Vaughn and Co. making jokes directed toward 20 year old frat guys is way too similar to The Ataris singing songs for 17 year old high school students. Both need to stop.
6. Ralphie from A Christmas Story directed this. Pretty Cool

Rating: 6
Rating Breakdown
3 Points - Decent amount of laughs
3 Points - Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Kristin Davis

Jennifer's Body (2009)

Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Adam Brody
Director: Karyn Kusama


3 Thoughts On Jennifer's Body

1. If you like horror, this movie is not for you. If you like decent cinema, this movie is not for you.
2. Well Diablo Cody, you had a nice little run (even nabbed an Oscar!), but your time is up.
3. Megan Fox is neither attractive nor talented.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Megan Fox does have a nice body

Zombieland (2009)

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone
Director: Ruben Fleischer



****MAJOR SPOILER ALERT****















6 Thoughts On Zombieland

1. Awesome couldn't describe this film. Holy crap awesome is more like it.
2. The most pure fun I've had at the movies all year, and I'm not talking fun like Journey To The Center Of The Earth fun, I'm talking zombie killing fun.
3. Bill Murray = Best Cameo Ever
4. Emma Stone = What A Babe
5. Abigail Breslin = What A Babe... Yeah, I went there.
6. Jesse Eisenberg is slightly annoying as Diet Michael Cera, but this movie was just too awesome for me to care.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
10 points - Everything
-2 points - No flow. The film starts on a high, and stays on a high without any lows.
+1 point - No flow. The film starts on a high, and stays on a high without any lows.

9 (2009)

Starring: Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Jennifer Connelly
Director: Shane Acker

2 Thoughts On 9

1. Awesome visuals, OK movie.
2. 80 minutes long...WIN!

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
5 points - 80 minutes!*...and guessing all the voices was kind of fun.

*Please Note: Mike At The Movies does not officially endorse shorter movies as better movies.

Fame (2009)

Starring: Naturi Naughton, Collins Pennie, Kay Panabaker
Director Kevin Tancharoen

3 Thoughts On Fame

1. Didn't see the original, shouldn't of seen the re-make. Not cool.
2. A few decent cameos. You may like them.
3. Not cool.

Rating: 2
Rating Breakdown
2 points - Whatever

The Invention Of Lying (2009)

Starring: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Jonah Hill
Director: Ricky Gervais, Matthew Robinson

4 Thoughts On The Invention Of Lying

1. Cool premise, great stor- ehh...Cool premise is about it.
2. A couple of chuckles here and there.
   
3. Ricky Gervais can be moderately funny. That's it.
4. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best.
5. Jonah Hill really wants to be a dramatic actor. Please don't do it, Jonah

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
2 points - PSH
3 points - A few Ha's. Just a few.

Fred Claus (2007)

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Miranda Richardson
Director: David Dobkin

1 Thought On Fred Claus

1. Dear Fred Claus, On the whole your movie was enjoyable. I found your film to be of a quality much higher than critics and fans have said it was. However, I must tell you Fred Claus, YOU ARE NOT ELF. NOT EVEN CLOSE. Love, Michael

Rating: 5
Rating Breakdown
6 points - Quality Christmas production
-1 point - Cut the shit, Vince Vaughan. Cut the shit.

Take The Money And Run (1969)

Starring: Woody Allen, Janet Margolin, Louise Lasser
Director: Woody Allen

4 Thoughts On Take The Money And Run

1. Just all sorts of awesome.
2. Think Woody Allen and The Naked Gun have a child film. This would be that film
   
3. Woody playing cello in a high school marching band could be the hardest I have ever laughed at a Woody movie.
4. It's a shame Woody Allen is a pedophile.

Rating: 9
Rating Breakdown
9 points - Mr. Allen is the best

Whiteout (2009)

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Gabriel Macht, Columbus Short
Director: Dominic Sena

3 Thoughts On Whiteout

1. Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad
2. Note To Self: If I ever write a thriller, do not reveal the killer with 20 minutes left in the movie.
3. Is it just me or is Kate Beckinsale not that hot? Anyone?...anyone?

Rating - 1
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Kate Beckinsale (contradiction much?)

The Final Destination (2009)

Starring: Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten, Haley Webb
Director: David R. Ellis

4 Thoughts On The Final Destination

1. Not as good as the original, but better than 2 and 3. No wait, 2 and 3 had less contrived opening sequences. Actually no, 2 and 3 also had very contrived opening sequences. Ok, well that's fine but TFD held up for the entirity of the movie better than 2 and 3. Sorry, no it didn't. When I think about it, none of the 4 Final Destinations have been good . None.
2. 3-D RUUUULEESSSSS. No it does not rule.
3. Has Bubba Gump really been demoted to a body count character in shitty horror movies? I wonder what Tom Hanks is doing these days.
4. The Final Destination had the franchise's best sex scene.

Rating: 3
Rating Breakdown
1 point - Under 90 minute running time. (I don't mean to start a precendent by giving short movies bonus points, but hey a shitty horror movie under 90 minutes deserves the point!)
1 point - SEX
1 point - A rarely used obsenity. (If you see this garbage, you will know what I am talking about.)