Fast Five (2011)

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster

Director: Justin Lin

Thoughts On Fast Five

1. Unapologetic over the top thrill ride that never once parodies the genre or franchise.
2. Pure weekend getaway fun. Leave all pretentiousness at home.
3. Vin Diesel is fine in his role but his thinly veiled allusions to his grander schemes get old. See the movie and you'll know what I'm referring to.
4. In the last installment I found it humorous how Vin Diesel and Paul Walker were both humbled after their careers fizzled out and they returned to the franchise. After rolling in stacks of money there is no more humbling to be had.
5. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...the friggin Rock is in this.
6. But seriously, the Rock does in fact inject new lifeblood into the franchise as the Diesel vs. Rock showdown is nicely built up.
7. I'm on Team Bring It.

Rating: 7

Rating Breakdown

4 points- I smell what Dwayne is cookin'

3 points - Physics defied.

Water For Elephants (2011)

Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz

Director: Francis Lawrence

Thoughts On Water For Elephants

1. Seemingly fine movie but when the focal point becomes a romance between two leads with no romantic chemistry then we suddenly have a problem.
2. Between this and Remember Me, at what point do I start feeling bad for Pattinson?
3. Oh wait, I don't. He's rich and famous.
4. Christoph Waltz once again brings the goods yet I constantly expected him to start hunting jews at any given moment.
5. Overall more than I expected. It also looked pretty. Refined commentary coming at you.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

2 points - I just don't like Reese Witherschpinzen yet at the same time I kind of do.

3 points - I like circuses...is what Sam would say to defend really liking this movie.

Hanna (2011)

Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Eric Bana, Cate Blanchett

Director: Joe Wright

Thoughts On Hanna

1. Contains every element of an action thriller and executes every element exceedingly well.
2. Saoirse Ronan is wise beyond her years and convincingly pulls off elaborate action/fight sequences.
3. Interesting choice of Joe Wright directing this as this genre is not his forte. Clearly his contributions are massive as he procures great performances from all his actors; especially Cate Blanchett.
4. The Chemical Brothers soundtrack is just better than anything any of us will ever make. Ever.
5. Whoever that little English girl was; great stuff.

Rating: 8

Rating Breakdown

4 points - a kick ass 16 year old girl for the pedophile, sadomasochist in all of us!

2 points - ima buy the soundtrack

2 points - the ending. no spoilers.

Insidious (2011)

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey

Director: James Wan

Thoughts On Insidious

1. Decent concept helmed by an experienced writer/director combo that ultimately just never enters the realm of great horror.
2. Bad acting, also a lot of bad acting.
3. Barbara Hershey?
4. The PG-13 rating really bogs down a lot of the film as James Wan of Saw fame clearly can do a lot more with an R rating.
5. The "further" element kind of makes the movie lose all it's steam.
6. Despite it's setbacks, Wan and Whannell still can pack in the scares and suspense.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

5 points - I jumped a few times. Also bonus points because I just feel bad for Patrick Wilson.

Lottery Ticket (2010)

Starring: Bow Wow, Brandon T. Jackson, Naturi Naughton

Director: Erik White

Thoughts On Lottery Ticket

1. A movie clearly not targeted at my demographic that actually works and is enjoyable.
2. Quite an eclectic cast of a former child rapper, the satyr from Percy Jackson/ Alpa Chino, a former member of 3LW and CHARLIE MURPHY!
3. Question: Are these types of movies supposed to discourage stereotypes or applaud them? I often think the latter.
4. CHARLIE MURPHY
5. I really hope it was just makeup because damn Ice Cube looks old.

Rating: 6

Rating Breakdown

3 points - goofy "black" comedy that doesn't take the First Sunday route of being too goofy or the Roscoe Jenkins route of being not funny.

3 points - Where the white people at?

Black Dynamite (2009)

Starring: Michael Jai White, Salli Richardson, Arsenio Hall

Director: Scott Sanders

Thoughts On Black Dynamite

1. Holy jive talking eff, this movie was unbelievably hilarious.
2. I really don't have anything else to say as I'm pissing my pants laughing just trying to think of things to say about Black Dynamite
3. "Orphans have no parents."
4. I'm writing this review as a pure fan. I can't be critical of anything in it.

Rating: 9

Rating Breakdown

9 points - I was debating distributing a 10 for this film. I didn't but I may come back and revise this. Oh my god, I laughed so hard for the entire 80 minute duration.

Source Code (2011)

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga

Director: Duncan Jones

Thoughts on Source Code

1. Wonderful piece of work and a shining example of how a techno-thriller should be done.
2. Follows basic Hollywood principles but Duncan Jones puts enough of a stamp on it to make the film slightly off the beaten path.
3. Does contain saccharine elements but these elements work in the greater context.
4. I love Michelle Monaghan but she seemingly gets lost in the shuffle performance wise.
5. Jeffrey Wright kills it as always.
6. Figuring out who is the bomber is quite easy yet that really is not the focus of the story despite it being the driving force of the plot.
7. Please note: I am in no way biased in my reviews despite David Bowie's son being the director.
8. Moral of the story: Cherish humanity. No spoiler alert necessary because heck, we already know this.

Rating: 8

Rating Breakdown

4 points - keeping a repeating 8 minutes interesting

2 points - performances (even including Jake Guggenheim)

2 points - realization that I would totally give up life just to hook up with Michelle Monaghan

Limitless (2011)

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Abbie Cornish, Robert De Niro

Director: Neil Burger

Thoughts On Limitless

**********SPOILER ALERT**********

1. Generic thriller that could be decent but fails to take such a route.
2. Burger attempts to make a David Fincher - type movie with a script that perhaps I could of wrote. Yes, I write crappy scripts. Hey, I'm trying.
3. Too much of the film involved the terrible side effects of this miracle drug. We don't want that! We wan't to see more of Bradley Cooper getting rich and famous!
4. I am half convinced Robert De Niro doesn't even know the plot of the movies he is in anymore. He just gets the lines, shows up and gets paid.
5. So this guy has an unbelievable miracle drug that other people will literally kill him to get their hands on...and he starts letting his sister's ex husband who he hasn't seen in years use it? What a nice guy.
6. Moral of the story: Do drugs. No seriously, Bradley Cooper's character beats the system and continues using drugs. No, seriously.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

5 points - Thrillers generally get high marks from me but so much of this thriller ruined any good aspects it had.

Hop (2011)

Starring: James Marsden, Russell Brand, Kaley Cuoco

Director: Tim Hill

Thoughts On Hop

1. During this film I began feeling ill. Upon the film's conclusion I went home and would remain sick for several days before admitting myself to a hospital. I was then diagnosed with malaria.
2. This movie will give you malaria.
3. On a lighter note, James Marsden overachieves in every shitty role he's given.

Rating: 5

Rating Breakdown

3 points - kids will like it.

2 points - malaria is very treatable these days.

The 6th Day (2000)

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Rapaport, Tony Goldwyn

Director: Roger Spottiswoode

Thoughts On The 6th Day

1. Mindless, crappy sci-fi action that remains wholly unoffensive.
2. Arnold received a $25 million payday for this phone in. It pays to take steroids kids.
3. Warning: In the future, kid's toys become really, really creepy.
4. Warning: Cloning not only goes against the will of god but also allows for greedy, manipulative people to do a lot of illegal things.
5. Cloning can be done for morally conflicting good things. See: Robert Duvall

Rating: 4

Rating Breakdown

4 points - At what point do we just accept Arnold having a thick accent amongst a regular suburban family?